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The other day when I was just beginning my annual lament of the approach of Valentine's Day I overheard a typical clueless twenty-something male say this to his equally mentally challenged buddy, "Dude, I got an awesome idea about what to get Shawna for V-Day."
After imagining what it would be like to machine gun this idiot I was reminded of an often considered but never acted upon campaign I would like to initiate. Can we please give DUDE, and AWESOME the rest of the century off?? Isn't anybody else sick of hearing those two insipid words? My God, what will it take to drive a stake through the heart of AWESOME? Give it a rest! How about: outstanding, inspiring, formidable, imposing, exalted or impressive?! Doesn't anybody have a thesaurus? Take AWESOME out and shoot it please!
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| This card, a case of beer and tickets to Wrestle Mania should do nicely for Shawna. |
Dude is another dumb default that has lost all meaning. If you're a boomer, you no doubt remember the Durango Dude from the Corky & White Shadow series featured on the Mickey Mouse club. The Dude was cool. He was the Dude because just like any other city slicker "too dressed up for Dodge"he was trying to pass for a cowboy. It was a core staple of most Westerns. When did this perfectly good noun for dandy, peacock, or fop become the go to synonym for all guys? Dude should be limited to the vernacular of crusty old sidekicks like Gabby Hayes, Walter Brennan and Pat Buttram, not skate boarding slackers.
As for the Hallmark holiday that is Valentine's Day, let's give that a rest too. It was stupid when you were in grade school and is now exponentially more moronic as an adult. Let's limit this sentimental slop to the Hallmark Channel and those eHarmony commercials where it belongs. If you'd like to take your main squeeze out for dinner that's fine but let's all agree to skip the flowers and candy. (Just thinking of your waistline honey.) How cost effective can that be if you're already married? (Perhaps I should quit while I can still make it out of this hole alive.)
Whatever the case, this Valentine's day nonsense will be over soon and all guys can comfortably return to being the inconsiderate louts we were meant to be.
Naturally, since I value my life, I did do the required V-Day shopping again this year and have narrowed down the card selection to a couple I think the little woman will really appreciate.
Check these out:
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| Sweet and to the point |
No wonder I've been married for 46 years. These cards are simply awesome dude…just awesome.
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| A little mushy but sure to win her over |
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