As a kid I hated Halloween.
Dumb, I know. What's not to like about costumes and free candy? First of all, when given a choice of potato chips or candy the salty snack was my "go to" goodie every time. I had NO sweet tooth and therefore NO incentive to beg door-to-door like the other little hoodlums in the neighborhood. Then, because all eternal phobias are parent induced, there was that off the charts stupid Big Bad Wolf getup my mom turned me out in when I was--I don't know--three or four. The mask and body of the costume were plastic, ugly and hot as hell. Coupled with the fact that the eye-holes were too far apart and I couldn't see the whole ensemble was a massive embarrassment. I could feel my face flushing behind the mask as I reluctantly trudged behind my little pals. One year I went as Bugs Bunny and another season found me in a crappy homemade Zorro mask and cape complete with a busted golf club sword. (I did manage to win fifty cents and third place in a stupid costume contest with the Zorro duds.) Halloween night, by design, I would hang back as the group ran riot ringing doorbells yelling "trick or treat". My goal, unlike the others, was to see if I could come home with an empty sack and thereby avoid having to down massive quantities of candy corn, circus peanuts, Oh Henrys, Neccos and other gag inducing sugar delivery systems. Halloween was something to "get through" and nothing more. I began to dread the appearance of orange and black construction paper when it was arts and crafts time at school. Not "Boo", but "Boo Hoo", that was Halloween.
When my daughters were little kids Halloween was still Hell-oween for me. Their mom would take them out for trick or treat while I was left to man the candy welfare program at our front door.
DING DONG: "Here ya go you little pirates. Now beat it!" My charm was legend in every neighborhood we inhabited. But, I got through it.
|Grandson, Dan, on the hunt for the perfect pumpkin|
Five bags of candy from Costco: $62.50
One 25 cent pumpkin (well, that's what they cost when I was a kid): $12
Spending Halloween with your 2 year-old grandson: PRICELESS
|Dan and grandma gut a jack-o-lantern|