Fatter Dummies & French Toast Crunch

It was hard to miss the irony.  There on the financial page, as I killed time waiting to board the plane home from New Orleans, were two stories that went a long way toward explaining why most of us hate to fly.  Americans are getting fatter.  The story with the Detroit dateline told of a Michigan based company, Humanetics, now introducing newer "wide bodied" crash test dummies.   According to the Centers for Disease Control 34.9% of us are obese and are sporting a much larger body mass.  A quick look around the Delta boarding area convinced me that that estimate may be slightly conservative. More than a few of my fellow passengers looked to be smuggling excess adipose tissue in their jeans.  I found myself trying to remember the approximate dimensions of the emergency exits and how I could position myself to be the first one out the door should the plane run into trouble.  "Stand aside porky, I'm comin' through!" I will confess to larding on five extra pounds in the last year but nothing that would qualify me for Ringling Brothers.  

Like my portly sky roadies, the new crash test dummies are soon to approximate a 273 pound adult.  Wow!  Think about how worried the car manufacturers must be.  A Jumbo dummy hitting an abutment at 40 miles per hour will probably take out the entire front end of any new automotive rolling stock.  It won't be pretty-- just accurate.

The other story on the same page was a release from General Mills proudly announcing the return of their French Toast Crunch cereal.  (the crack cocaine of breakfast treats)
Of course the story made a big deal of a few "modifications" made to the ever so delicious way to start your day.  They have reduced the sugar and increased the whole grain content.  Translation:  it's now only 50% sugar.  Hey, that's what makes it so damn good!

Here is what struck me as I read these two stories:  If the people who test cars know we're getting to be enormous and the management at General Mills is hip to the fact that we can't resist sugar, why the hell can't the airlines figure out that WE NEED BIGGER SEATS AND MORE LEG ROOM??!!
It's bad enough that they gouge you for checking a bag, (shouldn't they charge for carry-ons?), and cram more and more passengers on fewer flights, but they don't seem to get that seats are too small and leg room is nearly non-existent.  I understand that tickets are relatively cheap but, come on!  Raise the price a little if you must, but GIVE US A LITTLE ROOM!  Or, knock us out until we get where we're going. (Nitrous oxide anyone?)

There has to be a better way to fly.  Private jets for all!
I'm surprised Obama or another Washington phony hasn't figured out a way to promise that one.
In the meantime, pass the French Toast Crunch and put me in an aisle seat next to that skinny lady.  After all, pain is mandatory but suffering is optional.

Middle seat, anyone?

They said there would be peanuts.