Friday, May 17, 2013

Alma? Betty? What the…??

"Dreamland" Where the men are men and the women are after 'em

"I Like Dreamin" was an exceptionally awful hit record for Kenny Nolan in the late 1970's.  Maybe it was dreadful but, at least to my mind, old Kenny espoused a great philosophy.  I really DO like dreaming and indulge myself as the star of nightly double and triple features nearly every time I close my eyes.  Ever since childhood my dreams have been vivid, memorable and in color.  I'm told that this is rare--the color and memorable part.
Statistically most folks don't remember their dreams and the majority of sleepers claim to only have black & white dreamland receivers.  I find that hard to believe.

Dream analysis is entertaining if you have the ability to recall your nightly sojourns.  My experience is that almost all of my dreams reflect ambivalence about whatever wakeful problems or personal dilemmas I'm currently having.  An elevator that keeps opening and closing as I search for someone, also the inability to speak or make myself heard is almost always prevalent in dreams regarding my personal relationships.  Dreams involving a return to booze and smokes usually are prompted by rage about something or someone.  (Having employed the services of Dr. Jack Daniels as my primary physician for more than thirty years probably explains this.)  Sleep with recurring episodes of running and being naked most always pertains to impending changes and job uncertainty.  

I've noticed a tendency toward running and fearful dreams when I'm staying in a strange new place.  No PHD is needed to get the drift of that one.  As a further indication of my slide into geezerdom, whipped cream and deserts visit my dreams more frequently than whoopee.  I presume that is par for the grandpa course.

The most common dream for all of us is the one where you are about to graduate from high school or college and have just discovered you forgot to attend or do the course work for a required class.  I still have that one in spite of not having darkened a classroom door in more than forty years.

Often when swapping radio lies with other broadcast veterans I find that a dream common to all of us is the recurring nightmare of being on the air and locked out of the studio as a record or commercial is ending.  You beat on the door and try to break the studio window glass but to no avail.  A cold sweat wake up follows that one.

The reason for this demented blog on dreamland is as follows:  Two nights ago,  for the first time EVER, I had a dream so BORING it woke me up!  This was so bad I actually had to get up for awhile and shake this incredibly mundane dream.  The worst part of it is I can think of absolutely nothing that would have instigated this nighttime ticket to dullsville.  Here is the gist of the episode:  Several years ago in Seattle and San Diego I worked with two different radio traffic directors.  Radio traffic directors are the people charged with scheduling commercials that run on the various shows a station broadcasts.  It is a rather dull job usually held by older matrons who treat the air personalities like their own children.  "Ken, you were supposed to play that American Airlines spot at 6:51 am, not 6:53!"  "The client wants a "make good" because he said that someone--YOU--made a farting sound when he claimed to have the lowest prices in town."  Etc etc etc.  In Seattle the traffic director was a black woman named Alma and in San Diego a white older lady, an Arkansas native, was the boss of traffic.  Her name was Betty.  Neither disliked me and, for the most part, I avoided getting into trouble with them.  That is what makes having this dream so peculiar.   It went like this:   I dreamed I was on the air and, for some reason, both of them called me on the station hot line to ask me to move some commercials around on the program log. Zzzzzzzzzz…oops, sorry.  I told you it was boring. The dream was interminable!  It kept going on and on with me moving commercials and them telling me to hang on they had more changes for me.  I finally bored myself into consciousness.  I have often wakened screaming, sweating, breathing hard, thirsty, hungry and YES horny but NEVER BORED.  What the hell is that about?!  I get tired just thinking about it and never ever want a repeat.

Tonight Alma and Betty had better not call me because I WON'T ANSWER.  Perhaps a big piece of cheesecake and a gander at some of the babes in my old high school yearbook will plow some fun furrows in my cerebellum.  I remember the time at the drive in movie when my pals and I spiked the girls Cokes with….ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Yeah, that's better.  Goodnight!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Herb Alpert: This Guy Loves Art

Herb Alpert
A lot of artists would be happy to have eight Grammys, twenty-eight albums that charted on the Billboard Hot 100, and roughly a bajillion dollars from the sale of their very own record label (A&M), but not Herb Alpert.  Herb and his wife, the mega talented singer Lani Hall, keep giving back to young artists in every way they can.
Herb Alpert and Lani Hall
Herb, who created  and  fronted the "Tijuana Brass", in the 1960's could have easily taken the money and run, but he didn't.  He is first and foremost an artist--a guy who expanded his pallet to encompass  record executive,  painter and sculptor.  After selling A&M records, the little company Herb birthed with Jerry Moss,  the Alperts devoted a large chunk of change to  the Alpert Foundation.  In conjunction with the California Institute of the Arts, the Alpert Awards benefit artists in music, film , dance, theater and the visual arts.  Each year five prizes go to individuals deemed the most innovative and creative in their respective disciplines.  Artists who color outside the lines are encouraged.

On this Mother's Day weekend her mom and I are both honored to be in Santa Monica to watch our daughter, Kelly, and her husband, Pavol, receive this year's Alpert Award for theater.  Their New York City based "Nature Theater of Oklahoma" and its production of "Life and Times" has captured the imagination of critics worldwide and now…The Alpert Foundation.  We couldn't be more proud.

The ceremony was held today at Mr.  Alpert's studio where many of his paintings and sculptures are on display.  He and Lani are good and generous people doing amazing work to promote and encourage the artists of tomorrow.  Herb, by admission a shy kid, picked up a horn when he was eight years old.  "It changed my life," he said.
Now, the Alperts lovingly do the same for others.
Herb Alpert, Kelly, dance winner Julia Rhoads, and Pavol

Herb Alpert & Kelly Copper




Friday, May 3, 2013

And They're Off!

The track: Where the windows clean the people
I knew it was a mistake.  Now, the pressure is on--BIGTIME.
Those of you who check these scratchings on a weekly basis know that last year I plucked a winner for you.  "I'll Have Another" seemed a dandy choice to win the "run for the roses" and the old hay burner came through.  I don't recall what it paid but if I liked the nag it certainly didn't go off at 2/1, 7/5, or some other kissing your sister price.  The 15/1 shots are more my style.  Not too many trips to the pay window for this railbird but, damn it, when I cash one in it's worth burning a few calories to get there.

There is lots of buzz about Goldencents for this 139th Derby even though, as I write this, Orb and Verrazano are tied as favorites at 4/1.  Goldencents boasts Rick Pitino, national champion Louisville's basketball coach, as part owner and jockey Kevin Krigger, an African American, is scheduled to be aboard.  Pitino is practically a god in Kentucky these days and no African American has ridden a Derby winner since 1902.

Mylute, at 16/1, will feature Rosie Napravnik as its rider and a win by her would be a huge story and mean massive endorsements for Ms. Napravnik in addition to the hefty Derby purse.

As long as we're talking purses, if you have a big one and can make it to Churchill Downs, get ready to pony up $1000 for a gold-leafed mint julep.  On a budget?  Go for the regular julep.  You'll get just as drunk and it probably will only set you back $50.  Officials estimate that approximately 120,000 of these instant headaches will be served utilizing about 8,000 litres of bourbon and a ton of mint.  Pass the aspirin please.

The weather may play a big part in determining the Derby winner for 2013.  Rain is in the forecast and Goldencents is the only horse that has demonstrated a yen for playing in the mud.

My pick?  Glad you asked.  Remember I'm batting a thousand in this Kentucky Derby prediction thing.  I'm going with NORMANDY INVASION , sporting 9/1 odds with Javier Castellano aboard.  I like the price and especially like the sentiment.  Having just returned from a visit to the World War II Museum in New Orleans it just seems right.  Also, it's a pick dedicated to good friend Denny Krick.  Denny, a WW II veteran who joined us last week in New Orleans and is this week recovering from a serious operation.  All the while we were in the "Big Easy" he never let on that he had a serious date with the knife.

So  here's to  Denny and all the other men and women of the Greatest Generation.  They don't make 'em like that anymore.  For all of their sacrifice and grit may Derby Day be D Day for Normandy Invasion at Churchill Downs.

Denny storms Bourbon Street 2013

Friday, April 26, 2013

The WW II Museum Will Renew Your American Soul

It opened in June of 2000 as a tribute to the two million men who were members of the Allies D-Day Normandy invasion, the largest military endeavor in history.  Now, in 2013 it has evolved to become the World War II Museum and it is a masterpiece.  Located on Magazine street in New Orleans, the museum is a beautiful, multifaceted encomium to an American generation of men and women who gave their all to save the world from the evil of the Third Reich and Imperial Japan.  Without them most of us wouldn't be here or, if we were, undoubtedly we would be speaking a different language.  
Put this wonderful enterprise on your bucket list and, if you can, see it with a veteran.

Veterans are special at this museum--especially those who served in this world war.

Today my wife and I wound up a five day visit to the Big Easy and the museum; truthfully I can't recall ever having an experience equal to it.  Joining us were good friends Denny Krick and Roger O'Neil.  Roger, like me, is a veteran of the Vietnam Era.  Unlike me he actually spent time in Southeast Asia while I protected cows and made certain that Kansas remained free of commies and Vietcong.  Denny, eighty-seven on his last birthday, is a WW II vet who served in the South Pacific.  All of us are members of the same local California gym and had talked of making the trip to New Orleans for quite some time before finally putting it together.  Now we all want to go again.  
It's that good.
WW II vets like Denny Krick get special treatment at the museum.

Young people were full of questions for Denny.
Another museum visitor thanks Denny for his service.
The World War II Museum
Historian and author, the late Stephen Ambrose, dreamed the World War II Museum and brought it to life with Nick Mueller who carries on the mission with ever expanding exhibits and new pavilions including the recently dedicated Freedom Pavilion sponsored by Boeing.  It will take you more than a full day to begin to see it all, including the John E. Kushner Restoration Pavilion where you can view the continuing restoration of PT 305 and other WW II era boats like the Higgins boat that was conceived and built by Andrew Jackson Higgins in New Orleans.  The Higgins landing craft was critical to our victory at Normandy.

World War II cost 65 million lives.  Try to grasp the enormity of it if you can.  America was one of the more fortunate participants, we lost only slightly more than 400,000 of our best and brightest.  Sixteen million of our fathers and grandfathers served.  Our moms and grandmothers also assisted in uniform and in factories, hospitals and a multitude of other jobs at home.  We all know these people and should thank them in every way we can.

The perfect means to show your appreciation would be to escort a member of America's Greatest Generation to the World War II Museum in New Orleans.  There are only 1.2 million of these wonderful selfless Americans left and we are losing somewhere between 600 and 1500 of them a day.  Do it before you and they run out of time.

 Like hot soup on a cold winter's day, the WW II Museum will warm you and renew your American soul.
Boeing Center at the WW II Museum

Check out the museum at: www.nationalww2museum.org





Friday, April 19, 2013

Random Thoughts...

From a random guy…and card carrying member of Team Infidel...



As I watch the events unfold in Boston I continue to wonder how many more times we will have to be warned not to be too judgmental when it comes to the "religion of peace".  Sorry, call me insensitive, but any religion that awards extra points for killing people who don't subscribe to your beliefs is undeniably a BULLSHIT faith.  The oft repeated defense that "these jihadists are people who misinterpret Islam" doesn't cut it anymore.  If that is truly the case,  cut the cancer of bloodshed and murder that has metastasized within your system of faith.  
America has always been a place of tolerance.  We have long held open the door to all races and religions.  Perhaps it's time to re-think what seems to be a naive and no longer affordable philosophy.  Our generosity and welcome should NEVER extend to those who kill and mutilate to make a statement.
Eight year-old kids in America ought not be sacrificed on the altar of some bonehead religion.

They say, "death to America" and I say "death to those who do us harm".


As long as I am purging…
This came to me this morning at 3:  I just read that it is costing American taxpayers $170,000,000 per year to keep and maintain prisoners at GITMO.  There are 160 men held in that facility; most of them connected to the killing of three-thousand of our fellow Americans on 9/11.  Want to save $170 million dollars?  "Ready, aim, say hello to Allah for me."  We could use the money to re-start White House tours with plenty left over to execute other deserving dirtbag jailbirds.


Finally…the funniest man of our lifetime died last week.  Jonathan Winters was better than Carlin, funnier than Pryor and far more clever than Robin Williams.  He was the gold standard for comedians worldwide.  He was pure genius.
Take a moment to enjoy his riffing with the best talk show host of all time, Jack Parr.  It's black and white magic.



Friday, April 12, 2013

We All Loved Annette

The girls all liked her because she had "a lot above her ears".  The guys?  Well,  having nothing above our ears and no clue as to what was going on with our pre-pubescent bodies, all concurred that the pretty little Italian mouseketeer made us feel kind of  tingly in our nether regions.  She was the whole package.    Not only could Annette Funicello sing and dance, she was beautiful!  It was 1955 and we were smitten.
She had a lot above her ears.

Our family didn't have TV when the Mouse Club premiered.  Dad thought it was a fad. The Chamberlains next door had a BIG one and every afternoon I joined at least five of their six kids in front of the 24 inch RCA as the test pattern gave way to a new hour of fun called The Mickey Mouse Club.  Admittedly, we boys were a little disappointed that there weren't more cartoons on the show  and only the girls were fans of the Mouseketeer dance numbers and talent routines.  Certainly we all liked the serials "Spin & Marty", "Zorro","The Hardy Boys", and "Corky & White Shadow" which usually ran as 15 minute installments throughout the season.  All that was enough to keep us from changing the channel.  Heck, there were only three channels anyway!  Walt Disney, as usual, knew what he was doing. 

Annette was easily the most popular of the 24 Mouseketeers.  She received between six and eight-thousand fan letters a month during the run of the show, about ten times more than any of the other young performers.  To Boomers she became, like Cher, Madonna and a couple of others, a member of the "one name" celebrity club.  Annette was America's girl next door.
"Big" Mouseketeer Jimmy needed to be doused with cold water when working with Annette.
Walt Disney, being no fool, made certain that Annette was under contract for movies after the Mouse Club ended its run in 1959.  Her first role was in "The Shaggy Dog", followed by the television series "Zorro" which was spun off from the Mouse Club.  She also became a recording artist debuting with the top ten hit, "Tall Paul" in 1959.  "First Name Initial", "O Dio Mio", and her final hit single, "Pineapple Princess" also charted in the top twenty in sales and radio airplay.
Romantically Annette was linked to fellow teen idols like Fabian and Frankie Avalon but fell hard for Paul Anka who wrote the song "Puppy Love" just for her.  

Frankie and Annette starred in a series of beach movies starting with "Beach Party" in 1963.  She always played the good girl and, if memory serves, put the boys in their place with lines like, "not without a ring you don't!"  Once when someone referred to her and Mr. Avalon as the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers of their generation she suggested they were more like "the Ma and Pa Kettle of the surf set."  Annette was no phony.
"Not without a ring buddy!"
In January of 1965 Ms. Funicello married her agent, Jack Gilardi.  They had three children: Gina Jack Jr., and Jason.  She became a devoted mom and appeared only occasionally on TV principally in commercials for Skippy Peanut Butter.  In 1981 she had the good sense to divorce Mr. Gilardi--never trust an agent--and in 1986 married horse breeder, Glen Holt.

In 1987 Annette was diagnosed with MS.  She kept this news secret for five years until deciding to become a national spokeswoman and fundraiser for the disease.  Eventually the condition incapacitated her and took her life this past Monday April 8.  She was 70 years-old.  Glen Holt, 3 children, 4 stepchildren, 12 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren and millions of now gone to gray mouseketeers survive her.

Looking back through the screen of your old black & white, you may recall this:

Ask the birds and ask the bees
And ask the stars above
Who's their favorite sweet brunette;
You know, each one confesses:

Annette! Annette! Annette!




Friday, April 5, 2013

Big News You May Have Missed

Sad news out of Germany this week as one of the world's last flea circuses was wiped out by freezing temperatures.  According to the BBC,  a troupe of 300 tiny blood sucking performers went to that big dog pound in the sky after an especially chilly night that left circus owner Robert Birk in a "very difficult moment".  A university bug expert, Professor Heinz Mehlhorn, has helped by providing 60 new fleas for Mr. Birk to train.  Frankly, I always thought a flea circus wasn't real.  However, there is a You Tube video showing that fleas can be "trained" by carefully tying thin gold wires around their necks.  Perhaps there are myriad new job opportunities for flea wranglers?  Welcome news after today's dismal jobs numbers.   If you have a dog you may already be rich!
Itchy, Scratchy and Pee Wee get ready for the Ben Hur number


Let's see some ID grandma!
I first encountered it at the old Kingdome in Seattle in the early 80's, but now it's everywhere.  They call it universal carding and it is either flattering or a pain in the ass depending on how you look at it.  Stadiums, bars and many other venues that dispense alcohol are implementing a policy requiring all customers to present proof that they are old enough to buy a drink of genuine rectified bust head.  The point is to eliminate the guesswork and any liability incurred by serving the under aged.  This, of course, slows up service for everybody and demonstrates one more time just how dumb we have become as a nation.  We can ask some wrinkled, white-haired 96 year-old for identification when he or she bellys up to the bar for refreshment but can't require proof of citizenship to vote in an election.  This explains a great deal about the quality of our chosen leaders.   Here's an idea:  Make all voters consume a few wobbly pops before voting.  What have we got to lose?


From the "I knew it all along" file…

New research has uncovered the startling fact that a microorganism which colonizes in the digestive tract of overweight people creates elevated levels of hydrogen and methane in their bodies.  Proving once again that parents would be wise to warn their children to refuse fat Uncle Louie's annual holiday invitation to pull his finger.  


DANGER! Hydrogen/ Methane bomb on board!!