It's the Y that makes us "special"

I'm expecting to hear it any day now.
All guys dread this one.
"All finished."
This is what thousands of women will be exclaiming sometime during the next couple of weeks and frankly it makes us guys crazy. What they are "All finished" with is: Christmas shopping for, you guessed it, 2007. It is unbelievable! For guys shopping is not something we enjoy or plan for. To us it is a ticking time bomb not unlike filing your income tax. There is not a person with a Y chromosome reading this right now who has not awakened in a cold sweat on any number of occasions knowing that he has either forgotten or is nearly out of time for buying some important, (see stupid), present that he is sure he is obligated to buy.

Men HATE to shop. When it is required, we plan for it much as Ike planned for the invasion of Normandy. Last year, while visiting my mother in Illinois, a trip to the grocery store was necessary. Mom is 85 now and seldom cooks; so in order to be able to survive a week's stay I knew that a major assault on the nearest snack isle must be carried out without further adieu. As my Y chromosome dictated, I had my list at the ready and with mom in tow made my way to the nearest food store. It was a smooth operation. I was in and out in about five minutes and back to the house in ten. GUY SHOPPING.

Now, nearly a year later, my mom still asks my wife: "Does he always shop like that? It made my head spin. He was running up and down the isles and then we were at the check-out." Yes ladies, that is how it's done! I had a list. The list had junk on it. I got the junk and paid for it. Free at last! Apparently, and my wife Linda agrees, the proper way to shop for anything is to mosey down every isle in the whole damn store and think about not only what you are buying today but also what Uncle Louie might like for Christmas. When you see something that fits into your twelve month shopping plan...you buy it. And that, gentlemen, is why they are always so smugly prepared for all those gifty occasions that we are prone to forget or put off until the very last minute. (You gals will have to admit that we do manage to find interesting gifts by procrastinating beyond all reason.) "Honey, when I saw this new drill press I just knew it had to be yours."

So...BROTHERS UNITE!
Let them have their Christmas shopping done in March.
Let's celebrate our Y chromosome! And, while we're at it, let's figure out a way to make those big bags of Halloween candy even BIGGER. You know...big enough to last at least until April.
Damn it, I'm out of candy corn. Let's GO SHOPPING!