He's got GO Power!

I was a stupid kid. I'm probably a stupid adult but, since I only return to reality as a tourist, it isn't something that concerns me.

One summer day when I was eight or nine and having a typical kid summer in southern Michigan I hit upon what I thought was an absolutely brilliant "win win" idea that would make me a super hero and provide a fun new toy. Mrs. Isham's grandson, Danny, was visiting our little town of Leslie from his home base in far off, (ten miles), Rives Junction, Michigan. Danny was one of those kids who always had neat ideas and fun toys that seemed far more sophisticated than those enjoyed by we locals. He was a husky lad...okay...fat, which gave credence to any innovations he visited upon us. Part of that credence was likely born of the fact that he would sit on you unless you told him what cool concepts he had brought to the 'hood.

On this particular day Danny was dragging an empty vitamin jar around his grandma's yard trying to capture bugs. He had tied string to the jar and was trolling through the tall grass near the edge of the garage. Miraculously he, like a "B" movie big game hunter, managed to snare a rather large beetle. Well, that was it for me. I immediately sped home to secure a "magic" bug catching jar of my very own. Alas, when attempting to find a jar that would fulfil my needs, I came up empty handed. Mom was no help. In fact she made light of the whole concept by expressing some doubt about the "genius" of Danny Isham. I knew then that this would call for desperate measures...

Then it came to me! Didn't I have the perfect size jar just inside the refrigerator door? Yes, yes I did! That vitamin bottle would be PERFECT, but first it had to be EMPTY. Hmm, what to do? I know! If I eat all of the vitamins the jar will be empty and I WILL HAVE SUPER POWERS just like ol' Clark Kent on Superman. A million dollar idea was born.

Later that afternoon, having tired of the bug jar safari and Danny Isham, my next door neighbor Dickie Chamberlain and I began digging a rather large hole in his backyard. It was a hot day and we figured his family and mine would appreciate us building them a swimming pool. (Yeah, we both got our butts whacked for digging up the Chamberlain yard, but more on that another time.) I kept waiting for my super powers to kick in as the digging was getting difficult. Suddenly, I felt a burning sensation in my lower tract. I fled the dig at a high rate of speed and spent the weekend in the bathroom trying to figure out what went wrong. I still haven't quite worked it out. It SHOULD have worked.

Stupid Isham kid! Stupid Superman! Damn vitamins!