Embracing the SLOB...

We're all slobs.
Some of us are in denial; others revel in all that is slobby.
I am in the camp that enjoys a really good mess.

Let's explore the various types of slobs that exist in the world...

First of all, there is the house slob. The house slob plops everything on the kitchen counter or the nearest free piece of furniture. The top of the dining room table was last seen at Thanksgiving. Old Christmas cards, magazine "come ons", CD's, expired coupons and empty containers abound. The house slob always thinks there will come a time when these items will come in handy.

The cure for house slobiness: MOVE.

The office slob is well known to all. This person has a desk that is stacked high with crap that looks important. It is not! Avoid having a desk, if at all possible. Desks lead to memos and memos lead to meetings. NOBODY NEEDS MEETINGS. I always try to operate out of a briefcase as this makes it much easier to beat a hasty retreat after telling your boss what you think of him after he has "allowed you to spend more time with your family". If it is absolutely necessary to have a desk, make sure to keep your whiskey in a Christmas package. This will allow you to replace it weekly yet will give snoops the impression that it was a gift you hadn't even bothered to open.

The cure for desk slobiness: AVOID HAVING A REAL JOB.


The bathroom slob thinks that it is okee dokee to be a complete slob in the bathroom as long as they are clean in person.

The bathroom pictured here is the bathroom of singer Whitney Houston. I am not making this up!



The cure for THIS bathroom slobiness: QUIT SMOKING CRACK COCAINE!


The car slob is always a treat. If they offer you a ride, they will say something like this: "Hold on a minute while I throw this junk in the back."
Newspapers, old napkins, petrified food, stinky gym clothes and mail are found throughout the car slob's vehicle. A once a year wash makes the car habitable for a few days, but the rolling pigpen is an automotive nightmare the rest of the time.



(front seat of slobmobile)



The cure for the car slob: DO WHAT I DO...ALWAYS OWN A CONVERTIBLE. On occasion , drop the top and drive real fast. PROBLEM SOLVED!
(but watch out for cops)