"That'll be $3.23, please."
Just another day of fine dining with my wife at one of our favorite spots for lunch.
The parking lot of our nearest Costco offers TWO delicious tube steaks and unlimited soft drinks for the two of us for a total of: $3.23. In fact, if they offered music and dancing, I'd be willing to duke them a whole $4 for the experience. (Not that I would actually dance, but it would make me appear to be a real "sport".) Just the look of respect and the prospect of romance in Linda's eyes would inspire me to lay out the four large.
I guess most everybody has one of these warehouse emporiums near them. Costco is our wholesale orgy of convenience; I know that Sam's Club and a couple of others provide basically the same experience. You buy a membership for a small annual fee and are given the privilege of toting out tons of BARGAINS in quantities roughly suitable to provision the Army's First Infantry Division. It's fun, but don't kid yourself...You'll NEVER use all that crap you're hauling out of there every week.
Costco has offered me the chance to put more than a lifetime supply of WD-40 on one of the groaning shelves in our garage. Hey...You never know when stuff is going to get squeaky! WD-40 is also good for putting on fishing lures, (fish can't resist it I'm told), buffing dings out of your car's paint job, and other stuff they haven't thought up yet. If you need any, I'm your guy.
How about Halloween candy? I'm set through 2010.
Batteries? I can run the whole house on my Costco supply!
If you insist on limiting yourself to food, may I recommend the jumbo package of pork? Why not slap both Porky and Petunia in your basket. You may last until next year's Pork Appreciation Day!
Toilet paper?? No problem. Whole forests have been harvested to keep you in tall cotton for the rest of your life.
They have it ALL at Costco. Why not join the rest of us spending thousands to save hundreds? It' the American Way! Our motto..."Nothing exceeds like excess!"
How about a casket? They have those at Costco too! (Eating all those hotdogs may earn you and early check-in to the Mahogany Hilton.)
If you need some WD-40 for those squeaky hinges in your new "box", just give me a call. I've got plenty.
1 comment:
I still haven't used all my WD40 that I bought about 10 years ago. But, I just found a list of 20 things I can do with WD40 so maybe I can increase my rate of consumption.
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