I'm stuck at the courthouse.
I'm trying to look more unhinged than usual so that I don't get picked for a jury.
It amazes me that I get called to perform this civic duty anyway since I have in years past served on juries that convicted both a drug dealing scum bag and perhaps the dumbest man ever to be charged with murder. (He emptied a 45 into a guy in front of thirty witnesses some years back.) My theory is: Two major pieces of human debris put in cold storage equals a free lifetime pass from jury duty! I've done my DUTY! Leave me alone!
However, this is California where finding humans possessing an IQ somewhere north of yeast is a challenge for the legal system. (See O.J., Robert Blake, Phil Spector etc.)
So...here I am.
I have discovered yet another subject where people fall into one of two camps. One group consists of humans who make statements like this:
"Sally, Marie and Bob are going to Susie and Ed's for the holidays...I'm not sure what Rob and Shirley will do but, you can bet it will make Ella mad."
People who make these kind of statements containing first names only with no exposition or set-up whatsoever are called...WOMEN.
The other group is, of course, male. Men, left to fend for themselves, resort to the only recourse available to them when confronted with information so completely full of holes...They say things like: "Really" or "That's nice, honey", or that old stand-by..."um hum".
Why do women do this?! They just seem to assume that everybody they know is familiar with everybody else they know and also have access to the same set of references and expectations. It's maddening!
Guys, on the other hand, are always more than willing to provide way more information than you'll ever want or need. For example:
"Honey, do you remember my friend Bill Burpman?" "He is the guy married to the red-head with the big rack. Not that I noticed or anything, but remember how cold it was that night?" Anyway, I think he borrowed my shotgun last September 28...the day it was raining...Oh, wait...there it is. Honey?? What are you doing? Put that down! It's not good to point one of those at someone even in fun..."
"Honey?"
"Hon?"
2 comments:
You think using first names only is bad; try to figure out what the hell they are talking about when it's all in the third person and no date or anything that even sets the context. "They all were looking at him" comes out after we have been driving someplace for half an hour. It drives me nuts. Turns out it was something that happened yesterday at the supermarket.
Obliviously you misconstrued everything that I said. Let's sympathize our watches and meet back hear in an our.
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