Jimmy Dean is a Pimp

Iowa Hussy!


The Skipper has me hooked on the TV show Dirty Jobs. It is on the Discovery Channel and it is pretty good. The star of the show, Mike Rowe, is an entertaining fellow who each week involves himself in what most of us consider a "dirty job". The usual episode finds him up to his neck in crab guts, pigeon poop, or in one case a Midwestern cesspool on a hot muggy July day. It's all very interesting...and dirty.

Just last week I caught an episode where Mike was happily engaged in the commerce of pig farming in the state of Iowa. Having spent my high school years there, I daily rubbed shoulders with kids whose parents were in the pig farming business. Holly hog jowls Batman! I had no idea that pig farms were nothing more than porcine bordellos and pig farmers merely PIMPS. Because the Discovery Channel is on cable, the porker porn was inescapable. Those sows and boars have no shame and the farmers encourage them. It's wanton! My wife and I now know way more than we ever wanted to know about where bacon comes from. There they are... RIGHT THERE!... in the mud... slobbering and...well, you know. All this show lacked was some of that cheesy porno music looping in the background. (I've been told about this.) No wonder Porky and Petunia never have any pants on.

All of those years thinking that my beloved bucolic Iowa was pristine and chaste... shot to hell. I'll never look at a BLT the same way again. We can all take some comfort in the fact that cattle would never behave like the pigs. I mean they wouldn't would they?

Maybe professor Harold Hill was right. "We got trouble, right here in Eye Oway!" "It starts with P' and that rhymes with porn and that stands for PORK!" Oh, what the hell....pass me some of those ribs.