I feel slimmer ALREADY!

(not) Miss Australia




This is one of those things that will make your day.
At least it will make you feel thinner.

According to the BBC, (and with those accents you just know their not lying), Australians may have surpassed us as the world's lard asses. In fact, Aussies are now SO big that they have introduced a fleet of super sized ambulances to transport portly patients seeking medical attention. These vehicles have over-sized wheelchairs and hydraulic tailgates and are capable of carrying patients weighing up to 484 lbs. Studies now estimate that 67% of Australian men and over half of women aged 25 and over are overweight or obese. In fact, recently it took 16 people several hours to take a busted Aussie weighing 880 lbs. from his sty (er...home) to the hospital.

The absolute worst statistics I was able to find show that only 63% of American men in the over 25 age group were fatsos and around half of the women were considered "wide loads". Take that...rest of the world!!! In spite of the fact that all you lesser countries hate us, we ARE NOT THAT FAT! We're just "big boned". Perhaps a snappy ad campaign is in order?

Now, don't you feel better about yourself?
G'Day mates!
I smell pie. Anybody want some pie?

Random thoughts on a Sunday afternoon...

Does anybody have a spare eleven year-old who's not busy creating cold fusion in his bedroom?
I'm pretty sure that is just the person who can handle my latest computer problem. It pains me to confess this, but I have spent the better part of this whole weekend trying to make my computer files behave. The damn things are supposed to go to one "drive" and instead go...well, I'm not real sure where they go. Maybe they're busy doing other important computer file things. Or, more likely, I have files that are trouble makers...maybe even delinquent. Yes, I'm sure that's it! Anyhow, I have now given up and will wait for my son-in-law, Doug, to bail me out the next time he and Katie are here. (Wait...Isn't Doug the guy who once clicked a couple of keys on my computer; pronounced it "new and improved" and then watched it die on the table?) Screw it! In the old days I would have just had a few drinks and set fire to the thing. Now, I'm left with only the "buy a new computer" solution which, based on my former capacity for the sauce, is probably the more economical answer.

Linda and I finally got around to seeing the movie, "Borat", a couple of days ago. It is out on DVD now and I was worried that perhaps all of my friends who loved the film may have over sold it. I thought it was a scream. I laughed out loud...A LOT; Linda not quite so much. It is definitely NOT politically correct and that's what makes it so damn much fun! We need more movies that are just full speed ahead FUNNY. It IS offensive; that's why it's funny!

I save my Mom's letters... It's something that I have been doing for several years now. She is almost 86 and, frankly, I started saving them because I didn't think she had many more to send. Each week Linda sends her a letter bringing her up to date on what our family is doing and Mom, in return, sends a letter back. It's hard for her these days as dementia has robbed her of almost all of her short-term memory. (The really bad stuff my brother and I pulled she, of course, remembers.) But, she tries. Sometimes she only sends a few lines and maybe a clipping of a cartoon from her local newspaper in Illinois. Maybe our kids or grand kids will enjoy looking at these letters several years down the road. I hope so.


Excuse me...I've decided that I AM going to set fire to my computer!
No drinks, though...Well, maybe a Dr. Pepper.

Of Country Al, devine Providence and Reynolds aluminum

Providence, Rhode Island



In a business full of characters, Al Watterson is one of the all time greats...
I worked with Al at a radio station in South Dakota in the late 1960's. He was "Country Al" the host of a popular country music oldies show called the "Country Hall of Fame". I was a college student, working as the morning man at the station, newly married, and waiting for the Army to invite me to the big dance in Southeast Asia. Al was a few years older, no longer draft eligible and had punched his broadcast ticket at other stations as he bounced around the country.

Through the mists of time I don't recall exactly when we parted ways with that particular radio station, but I believe that Al left first either to avoid the man from the finance company or an angry ex-wife. A month or two later I was gone to a brief job in Florida and ultimately a date with the U.S. Army Infantry.

As people do, Al and I lost touch with each other until around 1977. Now with two daughters, my wife and I were living in San Diego. I was still happily working in radio at KOGO and had not given too much thought to South Dakota or Country Al in quite a while. Isn't that how it always works? It was a Sunday afternoon; the phone rings and...it's Al calling from Providence, Rhode Island where he is on the air at WHIM. We quickly catch up and promise to stay in touch and... DON'T.

In 2002 Al finds me once again this time through the Internet and we now stay in contact like a couple of friends who are more aware of our mortality than we were in our salad days. Al has retired to the woods of Vermont near the town of Tunbridge and is being well taken care of by the "wife of his life", Joanna. He and I talk on the phone frequently and enjoy remembering our South Dakota days and have fun filling each other in on radio adventures that transpired during those "lost" years between 1977 and 2002.

A couple of weeks ago Al said to me, "Did I ever tell you how I got to Vermont?" My response in the negative netted this ONLY IN RADIO tale:
It all began shortly after Country Al had checked in from WHIM in Providence. He was only working part-time at the station; hanging on in hopes of eventually getting full-time work. One Sunday afternoon, while doing "rip and read" news off the Associated Press wire, Al read the story of a tragic traffic accident that had killed the program director and mid-day host of WNHV in White River Junction, Vermont. In misfortune...Al spotted opportunity.

After finishing his Sunday shift, Country Al packed his car and headed for Vermont. He was at the front door of WNHV by 8:00 AM Monday. The station was owned by Rex Marshall, the long-time TV spokesman for Reynolds Aluminum who had smartly diversified his money into broadcast ownership. Everything in the station was aluminum! Well, Rex did make an exception when he passed on putting aluminum foil on the rollers in the restrooms...but you get the idea. Rex liked Al and by early afternoon he hired him to fill the hole he now had in his radio line-up. The unfortunate program director's wife came by the station to pick-up his belongings that afternoon and Al made arrangements to buy his car and, since she was leaving town, rent the widow's house. Not a bad day for Country Al. (Also, the widow)

Al stayed on at WNHV for a number of years and became a real legend in the Vermont and New Hampshire environs. I'm making plans to get to New England to see Al real soon...a genuine radio character is a living museum piece these days. I'm also wondering if he can still get me a deal on some Reynolds Wrap.

Come for the SLIDERS...Stay for the ANGIOPLASTY

A $4 Trip to Heaven (as seen on TV)





When I was growing up, adventures did not take place in Mom's kitchen. I love her, but Mrs. C. thought "spicy" meant adding a little black pepper to something and a real gourmet moment might feature some form of cheese that was not Velveeta. It wasn't her fault. She is a Midwesterner through and through and still does not embrace any desire to indulge in "fancy" foods like fish or anything that is not meat and potatoes. Also, the fact that she was often busy telling my brother and I to: "Wait until your father gets home!", may have taken something away from her culinary game.

My brother Steve and I, though perfectly willing to gobble up all the groceries the folks could afford, often spoke of wanting to try some "weird stuff" if the opportunity ever arose. For years I imagined that a shrimp sandwich, just shrimp on bread with a little mayonnaise, sounded like a little slice of heaven. I promised myself that this would be one of the first items on my dream food list to debut in my mouth just as soon as I was on my own. Years later when I was married and living in Florida I bought some beautiful shrimp right off the boat and made my first shrimp sandwich. It was even better than I had imagined it would be! I was on my way to Foodtown!

Over the years I have sampled nearly every special food I've hankered for, including: raw oysters, snails, all kinds of sushi and sashimi, deep fried Twinkies and Snickers bars, and.....they were ALL better than I ever dreamed they would be!


But now...just when I thought there was not another punch left on my life's food ticket, it's here.
Ladies and gentlemen... I give you...THE DEEP FRIED SLIDER!
I can't believe I hadn't thought of it. I must have one NOW.
One small problem. They are only going to be available at the minor league Gateway Grizzlies ballpark in Sauget, Illinois and , dammit, their season hasn't even started yet.

Mmmmm. Burger, cheese, onions, all battered and deep fried.
Honey, get the airlines on the phone...and alert my cardiologist.

Detroit...We Have A Problem

When Henry Ford gave the common man wheels it was with the understanding that he could get a car in any color he wanted as long as it was...BLACK. This was no big deal at the time considering that it gave almost everyone a chance to give up old Dobbin and begin the eternal quest for a cheap tank of gas. (Cheap and tank of gas in the same sentence! Other blogs promise, but this one delivers!)

For years, as the auto industry developed, improvements were made as more manufacturers conceived models with a multitude of options for the car buying public. In fact, there was a time when you could buy a ride decked out in almost any color of the rainbow. The 1950's and 60's were especially colorful decades. (Either that or all of the designers and engineers were stoned...Yes, I'll go with that.) Whatever the case, you could actually buy a car decked out in a dazzling cool color.

Now, skip ahead to the present. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????!!!! Take a look around you the next time you're forced to wait at an intersection. Cars are now painted either black, white, silver or some form of metallic cow flop dark brown that looks a lot like that stupid burnt umber in your Crayolas. Did we ask for this? I think not! My contention is that this is all part of some evil communist plot hatched by German and Japanese car makers that was all about lulling us into becoming a country of boring "non colorful" mathematician types just like they are. THIS WILL NOT STAND! We kicked their asses in the BIG WAR and we're not about to succumb to boring colors brought to our shores in a fit of cheapness and bad taste that WILL LIVE IN INFAMY.

ARE YOU LISTENING, DETROIT?

Give us some exciting colors! How about some dayglo orange? Maybe lime green or candy apple red? Something that says FUN! I know I speak for Americans everywhere when I beg you to give us back some good ol' AMERICAN colors. Let the rest of the world have boring cars! I'm ready to line up outside the first AMERICAN auto dealer's showroom that can give me a hot pink or lemon yellow convertible.

Oh, that's right. Mary Kay, you first, butI've got dibs on the lemon yellow.

And....In Other News

not DONALD TRUMP



Certainly it is because there are so many very important stories to cover, ( the Spears girl, Anna's baby, Anderson Cooper's sexual proclivities etc.), that the fifth estate has ignored serious current developments that could effect all of our lives profoundly.

At the very tippy-top of the breaking news stories here at the Copper blog is the coming wrestling tilt between Vince McMahon and that equally annoying Donald Trump. Not that either one of these corpulent windbags will actually enter the ring and go to it in a Steel Cage Death Match! No, "hairboy" and Vince have selected two fat bastards from the WWF stable to wrestle in their stead before a sold out crowd in Detroit. I'm not sure of the date for this "sporting event", but I do know that either The Donald or Vince baby get his head shaved if he loses. I don't know about you but the chance to see somebody remove that live hamster from Trump's dome would have me plunking down big bucks if I lived in the Motor City.
I wonder if it's on pay per view?


In other sports news: Roland Fortin, the 91-year-old former "cut man" for retired boxing champ Joey Gamache, has challenged 92-year-old bodybuilder and fitness guru Jack LaLanne to a rumble. If it happens, the bout will take place in the Tropical Gym in Pompano Beach, Florida. Funeral details are pending.

And finally: Time really does fly! Clocky the alarm clock is now available to wake you up each morning. If a screeching buzzer can't blast your ass out of the sack, this is THE invention for you. Clocky allows you to hit the snooze button once and only once. After your initial snooze, Clocky rolls off the nightstand and runs away from you. Yes, Clocky has wheels mounted on each side. Clocky can survive a two foot drop and will run around the room beeping randomly and frantically until you wrestle it to a stop. It will not, however, withstand an assault from a baseball bat.
(I wonder if the same holds true for Trump's hair?)

I Won't Dance...Don't Ask Me!

It's my least favorite time of the year.
The NCAA men's basketball tournament has started. It might cost U.S. Employers more than $1.2 billion in lost productivity before the winner is crowned on April 2, but that's not the part that bothers me. What I can't stand is college basketball.

Give me full contact college women's strip poker but spare me the sight of a bunch of pituitary cases in baggy shorts running up and down the maple with their beyond stupid squeaky tennis shoes. (Tennis anyone? Even that would be more fun to watch AND bet on.) Why are they playing basketball in college anyway? Wouldn't we all be better off if college students actually attended a couple of classes now and then? Just today I read that nearly half of the students in California's halls of higher education were enrolled in remedial courses for either math or English deficiencies. Since when do the words college and remedial belong in the same sentence?!!

In the late 80's and early 90's I owned stock in the then publicly traded Boston Celtics. It was fun to kick back in the Lazy Boy and yell at "The Chief", Larry and Kevin when I felt that they were dogging it and costing me money. But that got old eventually, as all investments do, and I sold the stock and renewed my vows of loyalty to baseball and football.

So, count me out of March Madness. We're all "full up"with crazy here. And, did I mention that the guy's shorts are so damn baggy that they look like the VFW Women's Auxiliary is running up and down the court? Well, they DO!

You'll have to excuse me now. My bookie is on the blower with the latest Vegas line on the Padres' chances to win the World Series. We don't need no stinking BRACKETS!