PLANES, no trains, and a RODEO...

I've been traveling.
Getting on a plane used to be fun. DIDN'T IT?

How did we manage to take something that used to be an adventure and turn it into root canal? I'm sure it wasn't that long ago we were able to show up at the airport; board the plane with little pushing and shoving and enjoy a surprisingly comfortable transport to our destination. The food was reasonably good too.

No more. Thanks to cheaper airfares and idiots who want to kill us, a plane ride is the equivalent of Army basic training. Trust me, I've been there. We now wait in ridiculous lines, nearly undergo an enlistment physical, ("turn your head and cough") are shoved into seats designed by the Marque De Sade and told to "buckle up and enjoy your pretzels...we're fifth in line for take-off". Please, just knock me out and wake me when we get there. It's brutal.

Speaking of brutal...I did get to cross off "See a rodeo" from my list of things to accomplish in this lifetime. In fairness, I had been putting it off for over fifty years and now at least I know why.

Thanks to Brokeback Mountain, I was already starting to have my doubts about cowboys, but I had no idea just how kinky they really are. Not only are they into high heels, they also have a thing for tieing up cattle. The rodeo I saw this past Friday night was a non-stop orgy of cattle bondage and leather. Also, and I'm probably being a little picky here, the arena could have used a serious dose of air freshener. Horses and cows are apparently not shy about answering nature's call. Woooooooweeeeee!!! And the goats...you don't even want me to fill you in on their deportment.


The evening wasn't a total loss, however. I did rough out a screen play in my head while watching the various rodeo events. I'm calling it "Rodeo Girls in Bondage" and I've already signed my leading lady...




Miss Helen Heifer!






Helen was right there at the rodeo and is already real well known to the cowboys as the proprietor of Miss Helen's House of Bondage where rodeo fans can earn DOUBLE frequent flyer miles.

Flying and rodeo were made for each other! I should get out more often.