It's Merely Moronic

Now don't get me wrong, nobody, especially any female, has ever referred to me as "Mr. Style", but there are some pretty hideous fashion statements happening in the men's department of late.  The good news is that these will undoubtedly provide ample future laughs for the progeny of the hopeless haberdashery and tonsorially challenged hombres who succumb to a perceived illusion of hipness at whatever price.  Isn't it obvious that looking cool today can often make you appear the total tool tomorrow?

For example, the whole spiked hair thing should have been over five years ago.  Instead, the "just rolled out of the feathers" look clings like a toxic cloud of Aqua Velva.  Perhaps it's because I have no hair to spike that I find this look so irritating?  No, it's because it makes you look like a man who has yet to come to grips with the limits of his own intelligence!

Putting the funk in dysfunction

Another befittingly stupid look is the no socks thing.  What has it been, twenty years this has been around??  It's not only uncomfortable as hell to have nothing between your tootsies and the inside of a shoe it also makes for stinky shoes.  Sockless is fine if your wearing shorts or a bathing suit but no socks with a suit or, even worse, a tuxedo makes a guy look like he's headed for the prom at the nervous hospital.  (The short bus will be arriving momentarily.)

Total dork

With an ever expanding selection of fun socks sporting weird designs and loud comic images like Sasquatch riding a bicycle, Homer Simpson saying "Doh!", and my favorite, assorted pieces of dancing sushi, there is no sane reason for flashing nude ankles.  Entertaining socks are wonderful conversation starters too.  Needless to say socks provide the freedom to ditch your kicks nearly anywhere without looking like some backwoods bumpkin stump jumper.  Nobody wants to see your banged up toenails, bunions and blackened soles.  Get some socks!  Leave the bare legs to the gals.  Theirs actually look good and--sorry guys--ours don't.

A pair of favorites 

Now, if the primary reason for getting dressed up and forgetting to don socks is to give your kids some laughs when they trip down memory lane looking at old pictures of you after you've checked in to the horizontal Hilton, have at it.  You obviously have a great sense of humor and the kids were lucky to have had a cool dad.  However, if you're showing bare skin from the bottom of your pants and the top of your shoes because you think all the hip guys do, you sir are a moron and I'll give you five minutes to get off my planet.

I'm tempted to watch the Oscars on Sunday night, even though I haven't seen a single nominated film, just to see some Hollywood nitwit pick up his trophy in a tux sans socks.  I won't watch a minute of it but $50 says it'll happen.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to get those Elvis Presley hound dog socks of mine out of the dryer.  It's Friday and time to fly the freak flag.

I predict this will be the next fashion statement for guys.