"Large and IN CHARGE"...Kramden for President!

The following is a re-post from October of 2011 as things were heating up for the coming presidential election.  Little did I know my dream would come close to fruition in 2016...

Now that the portly gentleman from New Jersey, Governor Christie, has officially expressed no interest in saving the country from the current empty suit hiding behind the curtain at land of OZ headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue, it's time for action.  We have gone far too long without a leader who knows how to wear big boy pants and pick up a spare when the team needs one on league bowling night.

The man for the job?  I give you Ralph Kramden of 328 Chauncey Street in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn New York.  A loyal husband, dedicated friend, hard working driver for his boss, Mr. Cunningham at the MTA, and longtime officer in the Loyal Order of Raccoons (where an emergency meeting is an emergency meeting and never a poker game).  Ralph Kramden knows how to live large on a salary of $62 per week.  (He hasn't had a raise in more than fifty years!)  Mr. Kramden is a man of BIG ideas as well as a man of size XXXL Sansabelt pants.  He is just what America needs to get back on track.  Unlike the current occupant of the White House, whose poll numbers are dropping like a melon off an overpass, Ralph Kramden is literally the 500 pound lowland gorilla we need to tackle the nation's problems.  He will embrace our travails with vigor and will not quit until they are vanquished.  (As you know, when a gorilla decides to embrace someone or something, it ain't over until the gorilla thinks it's over.)

Kramden meets with his cabinet

After his nomination and most certain election in 2012 Mr. Kramden can begin to implement his ideas starting with the selection of his cabinet members.  Outside of mandatory bowling leagues and ten cent beer nights, there will be no requirements regarding Raccoon headgear.  Raccoon lodge membership will be enforced for adult males with compensatory time off guaranteed for attendance at bi-monthly executive meetings.  Coonskin caps will be provided.

Candidate Kramden has asked upstairs neighbor and best friend, Ed Norton, to be his running mate and Mr. Norton has accepted on the condition that he will still be able to maintain his day job with the City of New York department of sanitation.  "Sometimes a man has gotta follow the smell of his dream," remarked Mr. Norton.  Norton's wife Trixie has been tapped as secretary of snacks and prizes.  All other cabinet and idiotic czar positions will be abolished with operational funds returned to the taxpayers.  As expected, Alice Kramden, the future president's wife of many years, is slated to head NASA.  If you don't know why, you're too young to be reading this blog.

Headed for D.C. in big pants with BIG ideas