Some Christmas Leer?

When I was a boy disc jockey in the late 1960's the introduction of Christmas music shortly after Thanksgiving was a welcome reprieve from the steady diet of pop pap that comprised the playlist at most radio stations.  We jocks would sooner take a beating than to listen to one more clunker from the Archies, the DeFranco Family or Mungo Jerry and don't get me started on the Poppy Family and the 1910 Fruitgum Company.  The Christmas tunes were a fine respite for two or three weeks and then at high noon on Christmas day it was time to return to the wasteland of heavy hits.

For my money one of the best holiday hits was Dean Martin's rendition of "Baby It's Cold Outside."  Old Deano gave that chestnut just enough sizzle and sex to put a smile on your face no matter what team you suit up for in the gender war.  It was, and still is, a harmless and decidedly upscale take on wintertime seduction.   I'm more than a little bit surprised by all the PC nonsense that put this holiday classic in the penalty box at many major broadcast outlets.  What gives?!  There were and ARE plenty of yuletide tone poems guaranteed to fire up the PC police.  I know because I played them.

"Santa Claus Is Back In Town" by Elvis is a jewel which features lines such as:

"Got no sleigh with reindeer, no pack on my back
your gonna see me comin' in a big black Cadillac
Hang up your pretty stockings
Turn off the light
Santa Claus is comin' down your chimney tonight"

Chuck Berry's "Run Run Rudolph" from 1958 still gets plenty of airplay in spite of being loaded with enough references to "girl child" and "boy child" to get progressive panties and boxers in a twist.  Rudolph "whizzing like a Saber jet" should set their hair on fire too.

Don Cornell and Teresa Brewer had a dandy, "You'll Never Get Away", featuring Teresa singing "I'll become a train and choo choo out of sight" to Don's melodic reply of, "Then I'll become a red caboose and trail you day and night."  Stalking? Hmmm.

Depending on who's singing, "Santa Baby" can be a bit on the sleazy side but "Back Door Santa" rendered by both Clarence Carter and B.B. King must certainly be the heavyweight champion of all randy Christmas offerings.  Naturally, it's my favorite.

How can "Baby It's Cold Outside" compare to lines such as:

"They call me back door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day
I make all the little girls happy
While the boys are out to play"

"I keep some change in my pocket, in case the children are home
I give them a few pennies so that we can be alone
I leave the back door open so if anybody smells a mouse
And wouldn't old Santa be in trouble if there ain't no chimney in the house"

"They call me back door Santa."

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" begs the question, was mommy a willing tonsil hockey participant underneath the mistletoe last night?  Did she give her consent, or was she merely angling for a new fur coat or tennis bracelet from North Pole Fats?  Where was dad???  It's all so sordid.

It's hard to imagine why the snowflake posse of the PC police have devoted all their energy to squelch a harmless ditty like "Baby It's Cold Outside" when there are so many targets of opportunity for these humorless humps.  With luck they'll tire of getting their mad on over nothing, but don't bet on it.  Wait until they find out about Albert King's "Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin" or "It's So Chic to be Pregnant at Christmas" by Nancy White.  Let me cue those up for you.  They're sure to get your Christmas started with a bang.