Tis' the season of giving and the majority of us have certain charities we like to remember with a tax deductible donation as the year winds down. There are so many worthy causes and new ones are being added all the time. Recently the tragedy of gluteal amnesia or "dead butt syndrome" was brought to my attention and it's a cause I believe we all can get behind.
Gluteal amnesia, or DBS, is a condition that occurs when the muscles in your rear end stop working correctly. This can lead to lower back and hip pain more commonly known as "pain in the ass". This condition is primarily caused by sitting too much while sporting excess adipose tissue, the unfortunate by-product of eating like we were going to the "chair". It is a malady far too common among those of us of a certain age.
There is a simple test you can take to see if you have DBS: Lie on your back and place your hands under your butt. Try to flex your right cheek and then you're left. If your hands haven't fallen asleep from this move, you should be able to feel your rear muscles engage. If you feel nothing you are officially a wide load in desperate need of a hind quarter muscle rebuild.
A good first step toward recovery from DBS is to remove your wallet from your hip pocket. After doing so it would be an excellent idea to gather all credit cards and cash from the billfold and send it to "Butt for Love" or some other really great charity name I haven't thought up yet. (These things take time!) I can assure you that your donation will be put to the best possible use. The Nigerian prince I've hired as our treasurer has promised to put all collected monies to good use as we take on the challenge of eliminating DBS in our lifetime. At this moment he's out shopping for an RV we'll use to spread the word about the scourge of gluteal amnesia.
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| "Help! My butt has amnesia!' |
Trust me.. No, really.
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