Primary Primer

My wife and I stopped off at the county election office the other day to make sure we are both registered to vote in Idaho.  We knew we had filled out the paperwork last year but have received only a trickle of postal effluvia from candidates or the county so far and the primary is scheduled for March 8.  The woman at the office explained that they don't send out reminders to voters and, if you want to vote absentee, it's up to you to initiate the request.  All of this struck both of us as refreshing after coming from California where folks and their pets with or without a pulse can vote as many times as they'd like.  Here in Idaho they're also "old fashioned" enough to require actual proof of identification when you vote.  They have the nerve to ask for a driver's license or another form of valid picture identification before handing you a ballot.  The horror!  That wouldn't play in Chicago, L.A., New York or other parts of America where it's too much trouble to stop by the DMV for a driver's license or FREE ID card.  Can't be putting voters to that much trouble.  No sir.

Of course as the primary date draws near we increasingly find ourselves wondering if there is a bandwagon worthy of boarding.  Both the Republicans and Democrats, as of right now, have a couple of lowlife tools leading their respective packs.  It's a real Hobson's choice between a draft dodging blowhard billionaire who was born on third base and thinks he hit a home run for the Republicans and a draft dodging screwball commie leading the lefty parade.  I'd love to get Ben Franklin, Tom Jefferson or John Adams to weigh in on these two.  They would, no doubt, be passing the hemlock.  By the way, it was Plato who said, "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."  Care to guess where Bernie and The Donald fit in?

The wife and I have decided to go with all write-in candidates.  They're all neighborhood pals who will work for peanuts and are too stupid to steal.  Perhaps you'll want to caucus for them when your primary rolls around.  Don't forget your ID.  Here are our endorsements...

Major Lard:  a real leader but a little squirrelly.

Millie Whatmuff:  wife of Major Lard and keeper of the nuts.

Shugga Free Leonard:  "What are you looking' at?!"

Stubby Clapp:  Sheriff of Squirrelltown, steals with aplomb.  A real politician.