GF? WTF?

Maybe they have been doing it for awhile but I've only caught on lately.  Restaurant menus are sporting appetizers, entrees, and desserts punctuated with the letters GF.  Not wishing to appear nearly as dumb as I look, I had been reluctant to ask until recently just what in the name deliciousness is this GF designation?  Get F***ed?  Go Fish?  Good For you--okay, that would be GFY.  How about Get fat?  No?  What the heck does it mean?!

"Gluten Free", my server--never waitress or waiter-- explained to me patiently when I broke down and finally asked.  "Oh," I replied while nodding my head pretending that it made perfect sense.

Items with lots of gluten, now considered food porn.

Okay, so I looked it up.

Gluten is now America's public enemy number one.  We are no longer failing as a nation because we are hypoglycemic, dehydrated, or merely phlegmatic those are yesterday's problems.  We are now victims of chronic fatigue, headaches and diarrhea because we're all suffering from celiac disease.    After years of telling us to commence carbo loading, eating too damn much wheat is now the reason we feel crappy and our pants don't fit.  Hot damn!  We now have something new to worry about.  I maintain that it is all part of a sinister plot to make anything that tastes good the enemy.  No matter that experts estimate fewer than 1% of us have celiac disease,  until further notice you are advised to PUT DOWN THAT DOUGHNUT and never mind the beer, pretzels, pasta or anything yummy.  Even though whole grain foods pack vitamins, minerals and fiber they are the new and improved reason that you can no longer see your shoes.

Simply eating less of everything is not an option.  The food police will be watching and you had better be paying attention.  Ignor the GF on the menus at your peril!  Wandering into Gluton Land may cause SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE!  Of course you could do what I have decided on as a plan of action.  Simply buy all the gluten loaded goodness you can get away with at your local supermarket and fill your spare tire at home.  Or, if you must venture out, make sure to ask for EXTRA gluten when you order that double stack of buckwheat cakes.  And, while you're at it,  tell the food police to GF themselves.

Gluten goodness with a head on it.