Double Trouble

Not so long ago "double" had a positive connotation.  Double Bubble bubble gum, a Double Double from In & Out Burgers, doubling down on a promising blackjack hand and the ultimate double was a commercial featuring the always ultra hot Doublemint Twins.

"Double your pleasure double your fun

With double good double good Double Mint Gum"

No more!  Last year the the percentage of adult Americans considered obese went up from 25.5% of the population to an all time high of 27.7% and those of us in the 65 and older category jumped the most by adding 4 percentage points.  (Insert geezer high five here)  All of this lard we're sporting never winds up in a useful or attractive place.  Why can't it go to our shoulders or maybe our feet?  Nope, it all seems to want to orbit the gut or butt and, increasingly, our chin.  Actually it is more often chins.  Double and even triple chins are now the bane of most everyone over 40 and it sucks massively.  I believe my grandma called it a "full" face and insisted on associating it with good health.  Well, she's dead and can no longer peddle that BS.  It just looks FAT.

Of course some double chins are merely the curse of heredity but most are self inflicted.  Some wag once suggested that eating naked before a mirror might prompt all of us to ease up on the groceries.  Certainly the shock of dealing with your mug the first thing every morning has a sobering effect until all your self delusions have kicked in.  I don't think I'm the only guy who greets DAD in the glass these days.  There is enough chin blubber to go around.

There is some good news to report on the double chin beat and it doesn't involve surgery or dieting.  Tell you more?

There is now a specially formulated chemical called ATX-101 that can be injected into the skin and it kills off fat cells under the chin.  "Submental fat" they call it, most likely because it resides under your big fat head.  It's not Botox nor is it closely related to that always obvious facial fix.  It is a version of deoxycholic acid that occurs naturally in our bodies to help destroy fat.  Of course, the question that pops to mind is: WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS STUFF BEEN HIDING AND WHY HASN'T IT BEEN DOING ITS JOB?!

Tests are ongoing in both Europe and the United States and so far the results have been positive.  Sixteen-hundred patients have been injected and more than 90% have maintained a "meaningful reduction of fat after two years."

So, good news aging Boomers!  ATX-101 to the rescue!

However, it could be arriving just a tad late.  I Googled the Doublemint Twins yesterday just to refresh my memory and they appear to have been avoiding the salad bar just like the rest of us.  I'm guessing they must have doubled down on the buffet at Caesar's Palace when we weren't looking.  

To put a positive spin on this situation, they've probably lowered their standards considerably and may even be in the market for some attention from those of us hauling around a Y chromosome.
As  they say, "less is a bore."

Debbie Doublemint, now TWICE the fun!