I'm Melting!

"There must be some mistake.  I demand a recount!"

"Nope, you're 5' 9", the nurse explains.  

I'm already regretting taking my wife's advice about finding a new general practitioner in our new home town.  After many years in California, where I was at least 5' 10" tall, I now find myself in Coeur D Alene, Idaho towering over nobody at 5' 9".   The new doc, who I like because he tells me I am in good health "for a man your age", tells me that we all manage to shrink a little as we grow older and I shouldn't be concerned.  Of course he tells me this with at least twenty years less mileage on his odometer and enough hair on his head to add an inch or two.

  

Oh---that was the other thing---when I was at the DMV getting my new driver's license, the clerk listed my hair color as "flesh".  This re-location nonsense can really do a number on your ego.  

As my father often told me, "just sit down and shut up".  I should feel lucky to be on the right side of the sod at 66.  It seems as if each week brings more news of old friends who won't be having another birthday or are undergoing some battle with a malady that I still consider strictly for "old folks".  So what if I'm two inches shorter than I was at my high school graduation.  I've still never spent a day in the hospital, broken a bone or been more than moderately crazy.  My liver still makes a growling noise but you would too if you'd logged that many tanker cars of sour mash.  I think it appreciates being laid off 15 years ago.  

So, I am 66 and 5' 9".  So what?  One of life's pleasures is the acceptance of these things.  I've learned to laugh at many things and my capacity for rage has diminished considerably.  Ramparts are no longer to be stormed but they do make a fine place to rest up for the battles that remain.  I've had it with politicians and people I can't abide so I endeavor to stay clear them whenever possible.  My appreciation for true friends grows exponentially.  They are treasures and should be treated accordingly.

Elvis is dead; so is JFK, Robin Williams, James Dean and many others who were shy of my 66 years.  Who knows?  Maybe they are all in a better place or maybe, just maybe, they'd trade places with a guy with flesh colored hair, a few extra pounds and a towering 5' 9" superstructure.   I'm fairly certain that I would.

The great Merl Haggard may have said it best in song:

"One of these days,

When the air clears up

And the sun comes shinin' through

We'll all be drinkin' that free Bubble-Up

And eatin' that Rainbow stew."

In the meantime, if you need any perceptive perspective from  5'9" of altitude, I'm available for consultation…and lunch.

"I'm melting, I'm melting!"