Where Are The Fashion Cops When You NEED 'Em?

It's over dammit!!  

And I realize I will be pissing off approximately half of my pals with this, but REALLY the whole goatee thing is OVER!  Actually what most post pubescent guys are wearing is a Vandyke.  When you rock a mustache with chin whiskers it is a Vandyke; not a goatee. Frankly, if you're going to insist on wearing this "swallow the rat" look you should  ^$%#ing well know that!  Maynard G. Krebs sported a goatee and, until about ten years ago, only guys with no chin, lounge acts,  and stage magicians hid behind Vandykes.

Why have so many dudes adopted this hirsute cliche?  Do women like it?  Since most women of my acquaintance pretty much hate all facial hair my guess would be a big fat NO.  Whatever the case, it's OVER.  I can almost guarantee  ten years from now guys will be hiding pictures of themselves taken during this eclipse of personal aesthetics.  Face it, not all of us are made for the Mandrake the Magician look.

This clown wears a leisure suit to complete the look..

Satan had one just like it!

Even pretty boys can't carry it off.

Prick hair

Another troubling development is spiked hair.  I see it on both men and women and it is hideous.  How did we get from"helmet" hair to the "I just rolled out of the feathers after having the best sex of my life" hair?  Roughly half the population now walks around looking like Nick Nolte's mugshot.  On the plus side I imagine it makes an insanity plea easier to sell the judge.  Again, there will be snaphots and high school yearbooks to hide or, better yet, burn.

Hard to wiggle your ears with this  look.

As George Carlin once said so aptly: "The world is theater in the round."  "It's a freak show and, if you're an American, you have a front row seat."

Be different.  Grab a shave and comb your hair.  Not everyone can look like they are directing a revival of West Side Story at the local "Chow & Bow" dinner theater.

Flying the hair freak flag