Small World? You Don't Remember?!

So once again we have proof writ large that the tort bar is a confederacy of carnies.  A man, apparently with some degree of disability, was recently awarded $8000 by Disneyland after becoming stranded for three hours on the "It's A Small World" ride.  Eight freaking grand for a mere three hours!  I certainly did at least that much time in "Small World" prison every time I took my daughters to D'Land back in the Pleistocene era of the 1970's and I'm okay.  Uh…. wait a minute, on second thought, WHERE'S MY CHEESE?!  Great Caesar's ghost!  We may have a class action suit here.  Maybe even the kids are owed some compensatory damages.  Do they really like the ride?  Who knows?

That's the problem.  Nobody really knows what kids actually like.  Sure, we tell ourselves that such and such is just what kids love.  And, isn't it just grand to be a kid livin' small in their beautiful small world. Actually, things in general are pretty damn scary in kid's world.  Just refresh your memory.  

I was reminded of this a few weeks back when my daughter, Katie, related a story of making a cheese sandwich for her son Dan.  "Do you want it cut horizontally or diagonally?", she asked him.  He indicated a horizontal cross cut and she proceeded to slice the sandwich in half.  "No, no, I don't like it that way!"  "Make it whole!", the kid demanded.  This was a classic no win situation that wound up sending mom and son to separate corners.

That night as Dan thrashed in his sleep he blurted out "make it whole" as he most certainly dreamed of his less than perfect cheese sandwich experience and how mom had completely messed up his day.  This was a huge deal in his three year-old world.  

As adults we forget what our childhood was really like.   We romanticise about how blissful and carefree we were and it's a lousy dirty trick.  Childhood is loaded with trauma and angst.  Fear of wetting your pants, being yelled at by an adult, new people, rejection, being made fun of,  or being hit by the ball at the same time you're whizzing your pants all loom large on the big screen of early life.

Some childhood fears are completely irrational.  I specifically remember being reluctant to use the drinking fountain at kindergarten and would sneak into the teachers parking lot at recess to drink from a big old mud puddle until some goody two-shoes stoolie ratted me out.   Perhaps I merely preferred the earthy patina imparted by the dirty water that gave it a subdued yet frolicsome quality?  Nah…I was chicken to use the fountain.  Why?  Beats me, I was five.
And please don't get me started on the devastating day a third grade girl called me "overbearing" as I attempted to win her love with a killer joke.  (I had to ask mom what that one meant.)

My point?  Give the guy his $8k.  He probably earned it, but also think about the kids.  How many of them are really digging the catchy tune on the Small World ride?  Maybe it frightens them and makes them worry about "having an accident in their pants" while they're floating by all those singing blockheads.  We don't know because most of us have forgotten how piss your pants scary it is to be a little kid.  Mercifully most of the stupid stuff we fear as children is lost in the fog of adult memory and, I guess, that's a good thing.  Heck, I hope that works for some adventures of my twenties and thirties.  Lots of fog please.

The next time you find yourself pining for the bliss of childhood order up a good reality check and recall some of the less than fun, downright petrifying times of your youth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a  grandson who needs a cheese sandwich--"make it whole!"--and a friendly and delicious mud puddle in the teachers parking lot calling my name.


"Pain is mandatory; suffering is optional." anon

"It's A Small World"…Enter at your own risk.