IHOP Layers It On For America...

Who says we don't make things in America anymore?


Not me!


I know better. We make BLUBBER and plenty of it!





So what if the Germans and the Japanese make better cars; the Koreans better TVs, the Swiss far superior chocolate and the Danes the best porn? Here in the good ol' USofA we make gut busting deliciousness that has cinched us the heavyweight championship belt in corpulence. (So what if we can't get it around our waist? Pass the pudding please.)




No, just when I was bursting with pride...okay, my pants were bursting with a new layer of "fun fat" provided by the Colonel's new and scrumptious Double Down sandwich treat of fried chicken, bacon and cheese, A NEW ARTERY CLOGGING FOODGASM HAS ARRIVED!




Say "Hello" and "welcome to the family" to the brand new IHOP Pancake Stackers!
Where else but America could some evil gastronomic genius dream up a 1250 calorie slice of heaven that consists of a crustless cheesecake filling surrounded by two buttermilk pancakes topped with a strawberry, blueberry or cinnamon apple compote and whipped cream ??? (Of course you can boost the caloric ante with some eggs, hash browns and a choice of bacon, pork sausage links and ham if you're feeling patriotic.)

And talk about endorsements..."It's yet again another dietary disaster brought to you by fast food," said Susan Levin, a dietitian for the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, which was also critical of the Double Down. (It's this reporter's opinion that a couple of large cocktails and an evening at IHOP might calm down this skinny shrew.)

Carolyn O'Keefe, the IHOP senior vice president of marketing offered, "It's and opportunity to give our guests another reason to come into IHOP." (My kind of executive.) She made no mention of the new "wide load" seating being installed at several locations.

Ms. O'Keefe went on to say that "Everyone has a special mouth-watering dessert that hits their comfort sweet-spot."

Pictured here after only one week of having an All American dessert for breakfast experience is Hollywood's Tom Cruise. Now be honest, doesn't he look a lot more adorably American with some meat on his bones?





Looking especially hot are Mary Kate and Ashley Olson after ONLY ONE Pancake Stacker breakfast at IHOP. They should look like they hail from Dimpled Thighs, Nebraska by early Summer!

"It's skank-o-licious!!!"

Now, if you'll exuse me, I seem to have spilled some syrup down my keyboard makkkkkkkkkkkkkkkinnnnggggggggggggggg it veeeeeeeeeeeery hhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddddd to yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And, YES, I would like a Diet Coke with that.