GRANDPA HAS...

Well, NOTHING.
That's why I'm going to take charge of the blog today.
I'm Daniel Danger Diepholz (rhymes with peoples). Most of grandpa's degenerate friends call me Triple D or 3-D and I'm down with that, though I prefer Dan Dan the Danger Man or Danger Dan the Dancin' Man. The latter handle seems to test well with the chicks at my play group; so we'll see.

Grandpa and grandma tend to be too tired to do much of anything after I spend the day with them. I don't expect that to improve anytime soon since I'm now six months old and starting to eat solid food. (Grandpa can barely handle changing my diapers now, just wait until he gets a load of my newly spectacular real food...uh....loads.)

My take on the state of the nation six months in? Glad you asked!
First of all, thanks a heap for running up the national debt and sticking me and my little pals with the check. How stupid do you think we are??!!! You dumb bastards keep falling for politicians who promise you FREE everything even though they don't have so much as a Chicago Roll in the U.S. treasury. I know you think you are "sticking it to the man", but I AM THE MAN and I'll tell you right now when the check comes I will be in the men's room. Suck on that for a while!


Regarding other matters...
Can anybody hook me up with some audio books or something? I don't yet know how to read and frankly am suspicious of some of the stories grandpa is telling me. Was he really president of the state of Iowa? Do they even have a president? Also, is there any truth to the rumor regarding his invention of the thong and brassiere? It's hard to imagine that this gasbag actually made a living telling whoppers on the radio for nearly forty years. By the way, what the hell is radio?


Here is a picture of me, 3-D, getting a relaxing bath administered by two blond ladies. Grandpa says I should enjoy this while it lasts because in a few years getting two blonds to give you a bath will get pretty expensive. FUN, but EXPENSIVE.

Well, thanks for dropping by but I really should be crawling along. It's almost time for me to ride grandpa like a horsey. (I'll break the old hay burner yet!)

Oops..... Do you smell something? Maybe it's time to check my diaper. Or, has grandpa started to get that old guy smell? What is it?? Ode de Larry King or something?

Whatever you do...never pull their finger.