Ordering from the GEEZER menu

I lost 5 pounds just by traveling! Ask me how....


It's easy really. We've been on the road for the past several days and that used to mean coming home at least a little bit W I D E R.

No more! Now my wife and I start losing pounds the minute we buckle up aboard one of the concentration camp inspired contraptions we call commercial airliners. (What the hell happened to that upscale experience we used to call flying?????) Now it's little, or usually NO food, for even cross country safaris. Sorry.....I don't count the free Coke or Pepsi. My now gargantuan "old guy" prostate can no longer accommodate that kind of aggravation. Also, the airborne outhouse is to be avoided at all costs. The last time I was forced to enter one of those hell holes I flashed back to my Army basic training and ran screaming like a twelve year-old girl back to my less than comfortable seat. (Who designs those instruments of torture? Circus people??)

So, both of us lose a couple of pounds spending a day in the air. That's good; we need it.

When we reach our destination there is now good news for aging baby boomers. Most restaurants now offer "senior" menu deals which seem to offer up smaller portions of the house entrees. Fine with me.
When I was younger I used to eat like I was going to THE CHAIR. Twelve dozen oysters in one sitting at Felix's Oyster Bar in New Orleans was typical for me. (Not to mention the beers and martinis required for proper marination.) Those days are gone. CAN'T do it anymore. Nope, just let me have the geezer menu and I'll be out of your way in no time.


It's funny how some of life's mysteries get solved as we grow older. I recall my grandpa Copper, a very funny cat, never eating very much. He liked food but, now I realize, no longer had the capacity that he enjoyed in his salad days. Makes sense..

Something else has become clear to me lately.
As a boy I often wondered how grandpa and grandma stayed married. I would look at grandma, all wrinkled and gray, and think to myself: "How can grandpa be in love with this old bag?" (To be fair, I also looked at grandpa and wondered: "How drunk is grandma?") It really didn't make sense. Now it does.
Today I look at women my age and think...."Hubba Hubba". The younger gals look somehow "unfinished" to me.......and I'm grateful. I'll stick with my own generation, thank you very much.

Tomorrow our first grandchild will be born. Daniel is his name and I'll be posting pictures.
I'll also be sleeping with grandma.
COOL!