GET RICH!! It's the Paris Portfolio

Just like the burger she was seeking the night she got popped for a DUI, Paris Hilton is the "In & Out" queen of jail babes.
Yes, she's out of stir as of this morning. It must have been horrible...absolutely HORRIBLE. No servants, no sycophants, no dumbass boyfriends or controlled substances. NO BOOZE!


Well, all of that nonsense is over now. It's back to being a rich bitch moron who will no doubt be trolling all the important parties and flashing her goods for our collective voyeuristic consciousness until hell blows up. Is this a great country, or what?

The really good news is that this gives those of us with a capitalist bent an opportunity to score big in the investment department.

For example: Whatever you do, don't put any money into a Carl's Jr. franchise. I mean...here she was, the hot mama of their TV commercials, and what happens? She gets picked-up for drunk driving after leaving an In & Out burger emporium!!!! She's hungry and obviously way too drunk to remember that Carl's Jr. is paying her an heiress-load of dough to promote their cow patties! Wow! Either she is too dumb to be ANYBODY'S pitch woman, or Carl's Jr. burgers are so bad that even the employees wont eat there. Either way... stay away.

I would be buying some Time Warner stock. They own the Internet gossip site TMZ and they also own CNN where Larry King will have the first exclusive interview with Ms. Hilton since her release from "stony lonesome".

News Corp is a "buy". They own the rights to Paris's incredibly stupid "Simple Life" TV show. It makes an embarrassing amount of money and there seems to be no end to the number of idiots in our midst who are willing to watch it. Buy News Corp.

Buy Hilton Hotel stock. This one comes under the heading of ANY publicity is GOOD publicity

Is Mensa a stock? I didn't think so...
If it were, I'd definitely be shorting it.





She's Back!!!!
...and once again, America is safe for PLUTOCRACY!