A Bargain Baby

She cost $3.75.
That was the tab at Irwin Army Hospital when we settled up and took her home.

Katie Dee Copper, (Katie Diepholz these days), was born an Army brat 35 years ago today at Fort Riley, Kansas. In those days I was making sure that no commies invaded Kansas , and, so far as anyone knows, they didn't. Plus, my wife and I got to keep this cool kid.

Katie is our youngest and that makes me...OLD. I'll admit there were times during her high school years that the $3.75 price tag didn't seem like such a swell deal, but we all survived.
She, like her older sister, has done well. She is a successful attorney who spends her days working as an advocate for kids who mostly don't have any money and desperately need her help. She goes after deadbeat dads and prosecutes them into co-operation or...jail. A worthy endeavor.
She picked out a good husband too. Doug is a little weird, but then so is Katie. They're both "milk out your nose" funny and that appeals to me.

Her older sister is more in the spotlight. Kelly and her husband Pavol are the founders of their own theater company in New York City and just last week won their first Obie Award. I don't think that anyone, other than her mother and I, was more proud or excited about that than Katie. She's that way. (She will be embarrassed that I'm bragging about her. Tough!)

When I reflect on accomplishments, or lack of same in my life, there are many that I would rather not acknowledge. Voting for Ross Perot comes to mind...also, thinking that blabbing on the radio for nearly forty years was a good idea. Oh well, no "do overs" are allowed, last I heard.
Having kids, however, was a fine idea. Who knew that getting Linda loaded could pay such dandy dividends?!!

Kids are well worth the effort, especially when you can get them for only $3.75.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE!
Please remember to pick out a kick ass nursing home for mommy and daddy.
We DID lay out $3.75.

Have No Job...Will Travel

Years ago, when he was new to the Merchant Marines, my pal The Skipper would facilitate his vacation travel via the conveyance of a series of slightly less than luxury automobiles. He would get off a ship in, let's say, New Orleans and head for the nearest clunker emporium to purchase the cheapest ride on the lot.
The Skipper would gas up this rolling coffin and promptly proceed to his desired destination. If and when he made it, he would promptly abandon this steaming pile of crap on a side street near his temporary headquarters. I'm told that there are traffic cops in several Midwestern cities still lying in wait anticipating an arrest as his Detroit castoffs rust in their jurisdiction.

He doesn't do that anymore.

He's married now. Wives do not travel in Gypsy fashion! There must be planes, nice cars and even nicer hotels. They even demand dining experiences more refined than a nuked burrito from the Gas N' Go on the turnpike. Talk about cramping your style!!

So, when I recently got "shown the parking lot" by the San Diego Union-Tribune, I naturally reached out to the Skipper to suggest a Road Trip. This has become tradition for me: Get canned; hit the road. It's oodles of fun AND it gets your mind off the most recent dismissal. In fact, my wife might argue that I try to get canned in order to hit the road. Hmmmm.
She may be right.

Whatever.

I snapped into action. "Hello Skip...How about a rally in New York?"

The trip was ON!

The airline was booked; the hotel suite secured. We were off.
Linda was happy. She and I would get to see our daughter Kelly and her husband for the first time in several months and we would have some laughs with our old friends Mr. and Mrs. Skipper.

(Linda with Kelly in Manhattan)


We would also be in New York during the revival run of one of my favorite Broadway plays, A Chorus Line. There aren't many musicals that I enjoy, but Chorus Line is terrific. Not only does it have great songs, it has a wonderful message about the dignity of the individual and the gift of talent. If you haven't seen it, you have missed something. The revival is just as good as the original production.




"A Chorus Line"




We're back home now. The road trip was a success. We did all our usual New York things, saw A Chorus Line and had some new adventures as well. Linda managed to break her wrist, and that gave us a taste of managed care East Coast style. By the way, it's just as good or better than the medical treatment in California. She had a cracker jack doctor who, we think, may have given her a better wrist than she had before! We'll know for certain next year when she reports for Spring training.


Then, so I can write off the trip as a business expense, the Skipper and I found a promising business enterprise we're thinking of buying,(or, at least stealing the idea). There was a wonderful little bistro called "The Continental" which, as you can see, featured a menu of: 5 SHOTS OF ANYTHING $10!
The place even had two ATMs right outside the door!
Is this a great country???


Road Trips...they're not just for Dave Dudley and Red Sovine anymore!

MOMs...

Happy Mother's Day.
(Not you sir!)
I know that this is one of those "Hallmark" holidays that most of us feel good about lumping into the pain-in-the-ass category, but let's not be too hasty.

(My mom...still kicking at 86.)

If you're lucky enough to still have yours on the right side of the sod, Mom is the one you can count on to be in your corner no matter who else hates your guts. Dad may have tolerated you, but mom really does think that you are a genius humanitarian who is seconds away from the Nobel prize. "Those fools gave it to that fat moron Gore!"


(Linda giving me the "knock it off" look.)


If you're really lucky, you also are married to a wonderful mom. My wife, Linda, did a bang-up job of mothering our daughters Kelly and Katie. Even though there were many times when I was going Homer Simpson on them they both managed to make it to their late 30's. She even guided them toward wonderful careers and husbands who will no doubt surpass their old man in many ways. Not bad.



So, to moms everywhere...Thank you! You're the best.
Enjoy your day.


Oh, by the way...
Could I have an advance on my allowance?
I've got this million dollar idea that just might win me the NOBEL PRIZE.

GOT FOOD??

Looking to do some wise investing for your retirement?
How about something safe that's appreciating in value far better than T-bills, annuities, passbook savings and lately...most hedge funds?

Get your ass to the nearest supermarket and get ready to HOARD! Food is just about the best investment we porky Americans can make.



Check out the average price increases for some common food items in cities across the United States:

Rice: up 9.8%
Beef roast: up 3.1%
Milk: up 13.3%
Bread: up 16.3%
Tomatoes: up 18.2%
Peanut Butter: up 10.9%



Don't be too surprised to see booze jump on the escalator too. Wheat, corn, rice and all the other goodies that we use to make delicious wobble water should soon make a trip to the liquor store as painful as an upper colonic.
Of course it does lend credence to the "whiskey is an investment" argument you've been meaning to try out on the wife. (Let me know how that goes.)


Of course most of this price escalation is a result of the weak U.S. dollar and our moronic insistence on burning nearly a quarter of our corn supply to make ethanol. This shameless pandering to farmers and "greenies" by the nitwits in Washington has resulted in a whopping one percent reduction in our oil consumption.

Thanks morons!


So, unless we come to our senses real soon and start drilling for oil here at home, the place to go for smart investing is your neighborhood grocery store. I say drill in Alaska, Boston, Detroit, schoolyards and cemeteries...whatever it takes.

GET SOME DAMN OIL!


Or, pass me the can of beans. And, while you're at it, see what they're getting for a pound of ground prairie dog.


(the other tan meat)

Until the next time...Thanks for the memories

It's in the books.
Clark & Copper and most of the live streamed Internet radio called SignOn is history.

In another couple of years we may all know the answer to the media question: "What next?" Right now the answer for newspapers, magazines, radio and TV is: "What the f***?"

Six months ago Clark Anthony and I joined other radio veterans like Charlie & Harrigan, Dave Mason and Harry Martin in a new kind of talk radio aimed at listeners who were computer savvy and newspaper fans.
The idea was the brainchild of Ron James, who can be seen here chatting with Clark Anthony. Ron may have been early in his timing, but he knows that something like this will make sense probably with the advent of universal wireless broadband. The guy was just ahead of the game.

The marriage of casual conversation and the available talent at the San Diego Union-Tribune was truly compelling. Hell, this was something I WOULD ACTUALLY LISTEN TO!
No dumb calls from marginal listeners ; ditto for dopey contests and screaming commercials. The whole thing was kind of like NPR without the phony somnabulistic delivery and left wing tilt.

The stars of the show were the gifted creative people who write the stories and features found in the Union-Tribune. Clark and I had it easy. We merely showed up every day and attempted to ask the questions that we thought the readers might ask. It worked.

The last couple of days I snapped a few pictures of the regulars that made Clark & Copper what it was. I regret that I didn't get pictures of Sandi Dolbee, Bill Holland, Michael Smolens, Gerry Braun, Mary James, Bob Hawkins, or Dave Ross. Either I or they were absent on a couple of occasions and, frankly, I didn't anticipate the suddenness of SignOn radio's demise. Sorry...

Here are a few of the Clark & Copper regulars:


Michael Stetz- A fine reporter with an eye for a goofy story.

(Thank him for exposing high prices and low alcohol at Petco Park.)








Peter Rowe- Beer reviewer, feature writer, smartass
(He should be institutionalized.)






Karla Peterson- Great TV critic and mom
(She needs to learn to watch TV without a bowl of Fruitloops.)








Allison DeRosa-former U-T travel writer
(They never should have let her get away! She is excellent!)







Ruben Navarrette- nationally syndicated columnist
(A wonderful talent loaded with common sense. Brilliant!)







Lee Grant- (NOT the actress!) Critic At-Large...Movies, TV, college hoops. You name it, he reviews it...WELL.
(Yes, he does look like Captain Kangaroo!)




Robert Pincus- Art critic
Bob is a gifted writer who can make a moron, like me, understand what he's talking about. (Also, the only man with both an art history degree and...A JOB!)






Steve Breen- Editorial cartoonist
This bastard not only does editorial cartoons he also writes children's books, a daily comic strip, and...oh yeah, HE WON A PULITZER! ( I hate him.)



My thanks again to all the wonderful people who joined Clark & Copper in this, now, bit of history that will be remembered as the early days of the media convergence of the 21st century. It was a great ride. I hope to see you all down the road.

Sign On...signs off

"Clark & Copper"
Too good for radio, TV and now...newspapers!







The news came down last week.
SignOn Radio, the San Diego Union-Tribune's effort to expand their media platform has fallen on the sword of budget constraints. After six months the paper decided to put the project on "hold" until wireless broadband becomes something more readily accessible. In other words, until you can see and hear the Internet on your toaster and in your car, the newspaper will hold off on offering everyday on-line audio programming.

It has been fun doing talk radio with my new friend, Clark Anthony. He and I spent years working at different radio stations in San Diego; yet never really knew each other. Doing a daily radio show has given us the opportunity to have an exceedingly good time, make lots of new friends and become buddies. He is a good guy.

In case you missed it, and I'm fairly certain you did, we have been hosting a midday radio show on the Internet website signonradio.com. We are on weekdays from 11A until 1P Pacific time and are also rebroadcast in the evenings.

This Friday, April 18, they pull the plug. There are lots of people Clark and I will miss. They have been wonderful supportive guests and I will have pictures and thank-yous as we wrap it all up.


"Clark packing his classic ride for the long ride home."






Producer "Sweet" Lou
(If you discover that your tires are missing, this would be where to start looking. Hey...the guy is out of work!)

Proxy THIS!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!
If you own stock, (and who doesn't these days?), each day's mail brings another annual report and proxy from at least one of America's finest companies. You know...those glossy expensive brag reports filled with pictures and incomprehensible figures tauting the many splendored accomplishments of said enterprise during the previous twelve months.

"Our far East division experienced a record breaking year for revenues this year and anticipates even greater success in '08." Blah, blah, blah...

After reading the glowing story of how much the company has done for the stockholder they then put the bite on you to vote the board of directors and corporate officers fat salaries, bonuses and stock options to show how much they are all appreciated by those of us lucky enough to hold stock in the company.
This is all well and good when the American and world economy is booming and any knucklehead can helm the everyday bastion of capitalism toward a banner year.

When a company's world is spinning in greased grooves and making me lots of money, (Okay, SOME money) I happily vote just the way the board of directors tells me to. Yes, yes, yes I check on all the proxies. I want to vote just the way the smart guys running this company want me to vote! Yes sir! Three bags full, sir!

Then, we experience a year like this one.
Each day I open my annual reports and proxies from all the rotten bastard companies that have done me wrong during the past several months. LOST my money mind you!
And...I HATE THEM ALL!
NO, NO, NO and again NO I vote on all their stupid proposals and stock options! And bonus???
You clowns want a bonus????
I got your bonus...RIGHT HERE!

So that is how I've been spending this afternoon. I've been voting NO and yelling "Up yours!" as I turn the pages of the flashy brochures of packaged lies these morons are trying to foist off on me. It probably doesn't do any good, but it makes me feel better.

The part that makes me feel A LOT BETTER happens in just a few moments.
Years like this...I open all of the annual reports to the page with the well posed pictures of the chairman of the board and the board of directors. Then I place them all face up in my driveway and back the car over them.

Several times!