If It Were Up to Me...

I just spent the past couple of days going through the dreaded cell phone update we all seem destined to endure every couple of years.  I hate the damn things but get shamed into upgrading my "cellular experience" more often than I'd like simply to ward off the laughter of younger far more tech savvy friends and neighbors.  Also, my wife likes to get new phones.

When did all this technology sneak up on us?  Wasn't it just last week that we were all carrying dimes just in case we had the overwhelming desire to call somebody while we were away from home?  Now it's almost a universal requirement that we carry these modern day slave bracelets at all times.  No longer are we allowed to go outside or to seek sanctuary in our cars when we simply want to be left alone.  These days, with the exception of a brave few, we are all "reachable" any time of the day or night whether we like it or not.  Some folks actually seem to enjoy this electronic intrusion and revel in never having to take a few moments to consider the windmills of their mind.  I just wish they didn't feel compelled to make the rest of us privy to every unbidden and completely uninteresting thought that rattles through their head.

"Hey, what ya doin'?  Me?  At the grocery store lookin' for some Campbell's cream of chicken."

How many idiotic geographical grocery related conversations are we compelled to unwillingly participate in before we start packing heat?  There seems to be no end to this nonsense.  Next time you're at the airport check out the number of waiting passengers killing time blabbing incessantly and boringly on their phones instead of reading a book.  Or, count the number of calls from people you know who are in their cars  and, instead of turning on the radio or merely THINKING quietly, decide to call your number hoping for some pretty swell and entertaining repartee'.  Granted radio is mostly a suck fest since the industry ran off yours truly and most of my reprobate buddies, but COME ON!  (No offense anyone who has  called me recently.)

So, now, I have a new cell phone.  The old one only had two years on it but was already, according to the millennial maiden who waited on me, an antique.  It has taken me two days just to make everything right and it'll take approximately another two years for me to feel comfortable with the new slave bracelet unless, of course, this one starts to make me look too fat or  too old.  Maybe it's time to just get one of those geezer phones.  What is it?  The Jitterbug?
Better yet, how about I just get a big sack of dimes.

Now, if I can just find one of these.