Nathan's Turns 100...and other stuff

I see that Nathan's Famous franks just turned 100.  Until you've had one at their New York Coney Island stand, you haven't lived the American dream.  These days you can buy Nathan's at most supermarkets but the dogs eaten after watching the freak show at the Coney carnival are the best.   The guy who eats glass and the Elastic Lady

Coney Island Freak Show cast

 are a great opening act for a Nathan's redhot loaded with mustard. The olfactory lobe assault of the Big Apple summer miasma of slightly ripe garbage, pizza and pee is guaranteed transport to hot dog heaven.

Not that I mean to inflict harshness on Nathan's centennial celebration, but I do have a question for their management:  What the hell have you done with the tube steaks proffered in "natural casings"??  I can't find those bad boys anywhere of late and they most certainly were the crown jewel of the franchise.  The snap as you bite into a hotdog with skin is far superior to the wimpy "skinless" wienie.  What gives?   Surely this can't be a nod to those millennial sissies who want nothing to do with resistance of any kind, including food they actually have to chew. Is there a "safe zone" for processed meats that I don't know about?   Trigger words?  I need answers!

Moving on to other annoyances:  It's official, I will no longer watch the evening news on any one of the three major TV networks.  These shows, once captained by real news hounds, have deteriorated into programs not unlike those godawful local PM Magazine atrocities of the 1980's that featured lost dogs, cute kids, weather, and lovable curmudgeons.  CBS, NBC and ABC are completely bereft of any real news at all.  Stripped clean, they make USA Today seem like the Congressional Record.  Unwatchable!

And, since we're on a media rant, have you noticed that the majority of the TV meatheads have now dropped all pretense of objectivity?  The embarrassment of these idiots being turned out by our nation's journalism schools is beyond tragic.  I guess it should be no surprise as they are all being "taught" by the losers who couldn't get hired for genuine newspaper, radio or TV jobs thirty years ago and are now chairing college communications departments.  These clowns have given us TV reporters who have, at both the local and network level, turned "guys" into an all purpose, non gender specific collective noun.  Nothing says mental midget quite like, "now back to YOU GUYS in the studio".  More often than not they are tossing back to at least one or two "guys" who wear dresses and use the ladies room.  (Oh, that's right, bathrooms are no longer gender specific.  Don't get me started.)

With the November election looming like taxes and/or tooth extraction and already inflicting plenty of unwanted pain,  check this out for network "objective reporting":  Norah O'Donnell of the CBS Morning (ha!) News recently sat down with Donald Trump's daughter to grill her about allegations that her father had made unwanted advances toward women.  This had been reported in a New York Times article and was fair game for any reporter until you consider that Elvis will turn up alive and well in a Florida retirement community before ANY reporter dares to put the same questions to  Chelsea Clinton.  The sad part of all this is that most journalists are too dumb to see that there is a problem.

Other problems that need to be handled:  basketball season is still WAY too long, baseball has made no progress toward speeding up the game, Obama remains in the White House and Survivor is still on television.   Get these things fixed and bring me a Nathan's dog in natural casing and maybe I'll calm down.

Or not.

Now, back to you GUYS in the studio.

Nirvana!