Bend Over, It's Your Uncle Sam

Very typically at this time of year I am scrambling to find all the relevant tax materials I should have been keeping track of during the year...but didn't.  My accountant grows impatient and mildly put off by my lack of financial acumen.

(Here is where I had carefully crafted a lengthy diatribe against the IRS, Congress, Obama and every thieving (oops, there I go again) uh…caring member of the federal and state elites who, in their infinite wisdom, know far better than we how to spend  money they have stolen.)  How could I be so inconsiderate?  They have votes to buy and dopes to assuage with my money.  Symbolism and sentimentality, paid for by their productive constituents, insures the loyalty and support of an increasingly moronic and growing segment of the electorate.  (see liberals)  

There, I feel better now.  Still can't find those damn receipts I was looking for.  Perhaps its time to throw myself on the mercy of the IRS.  (Made myself laugh.)  Oh, that's right, they aren't answering their phones these days.  All we can do is hope that the mass mugging (drat!)..uh, free will offering due on the 15th will be sufficient to keep Lois Lerner in champagne and Grey Poupon during her, no doubt, lengthy retirement.  Just remember:  The government knows what's good for you.  Hand over your money or the kid gets it!

Speaking of kids…I have an idea.  

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

If you want to make sure your nursing home is a good one, get your kid or grandkid into a program that teaches tattoo removal.  I predict buckets full of dough in the not too distant future for individuals with that skill.  Most of the ink sported by what seems like half the populace should be looking like leprosy or a science project gone terribly wrong in a decade or two and the walking wounded will be lined up out the door to get this ill conceived "art" scrubbed from their hides.  These trend setters are living proof that the world is a freak show and we, as Americans,  have a front row seat.  Someone should be able to make some money on the deal.

Now, where was I?  Oh yeah, looking for tax stuff.  Hey, what if I tried telling them that all of the information they're seeking was on my computer and the hard drive has been erased?  You're probably right.  NOBODY would buy that one.  Or, I could mention that, according to the latest GAO report, federal agencies wasted $125 BILLION last year.  No, that would make me just another selfish, right-wing hater.  

I need to put this off for a few more days.  It's Easter weekend and really no time to be angry.  We can maybe wait until the 15th to drive the money changers from the temple in D.C.  

JELLY BEANS AND CHOCOLATE BUNNIES FOR EVERYONE!!