Moms

Good moms aren't hard to find.  I had a good one and married another of exceptional quality.  On Mother's Day weekend American men, if they're smart, should not fail to acknowledge the importance of the women in their lives.  Face it, if it weren't for moms, wives, and girlfriends the planet would be run by guys.  Nobody wants that.  The mind reels at the thought of a world awash in empty beer cans, pizza boxes, cigar butts and dirty underwear.  Of course, on the plus side, the cloud of flatus created by this unhappy situation would block out the sun and put to rest once and for all any thought of climate change. There would be NO climate, only man stink.

Women, especially moms, are just better people.  Oh sure you have your occasional Hitler mom, they can't all be winners.  The standard issue mom kept you out of jail, taught you which fork to use, how to say "please" and "thank you"and gave you enough good advice on behaving around women to score you a date.  Moms are altruistic; guys have an agenda.  (Proof of this is that I am saying these things in hopes of scoring cookies or other favors.)  

Dads are fine for some life lessons of the comic variety.  After the obligitory "pull my finger",  odds are your old man let you have your first sip of booze--"Don't tell mom."--and maybe winked or looked the other way when you came home late with cigarettes on your breath.   Naturally, he was the parent who gave you a graduate degree in profanity, but you'd never  ever trust him to be in charge of actually running the family.  Mom was the mayor and dad her sheriff in charge of meting out justice.   The designated spanker, butt kicker and vice president of discipline worked for MOM.  "Just wait 'til your father gets home!  He'll deal with you and you'll like it!"  (Of course most of the time he did too.)

So, here's to moms on their special day!  Women are just better people than men.  They are nurturing and definitely more altruistic than we men.  Men always have an agenda.  For example:  If there is a heaven, I hope mom is busy working some scam to sneak my brother and me in.  Also, since I completely forgot about Mother's Day until today, I'm counting on my kids to make me look good with you know who.

There are a couple of cigars and six-packs in it for you girls.  Daddy loves you but mom knows where the will is.

"You look lovely today Mrs. Cleaver."--E. Haskel/ American male