Ken Copper: Let's Don't!

Chub the Tub, twistin' like he did 52 summers ago.

"Chubby Checker wants to help set at twist record", reads the story header in my local San Diego daily. Geezus, please, NO! Is my initial reaction. You're 71 years old, Chub. You've been twisting every last freaking ounce of fame and scratch out of that stupid gyration for more than FIFTY years! LET'S DON'T TWIST AGAIN LIKE WE DID LAST SUMMER! I'm begging you!

It's that time of year. State and county fairs are ready to welcome lovers of cotton candy, deep fried Snickers bars, corndogs and folks who dig burned out rock n' roll acts.

Actually, I'm sure that Chubby (aka Ernest Evans) is plenty tired of doing the "dance sensation that is no longer sweeping the nation" but, like all of us, there are bills to pay, ex-wives and children to do right by and probably a bartender and bookie or two to take care of. It's a job that pays well and involves no heavy lifting. The toughest part is pretending to have fun as you crank out the same song year after year while balancing your checkbook and planning your vacation.

Spending more than ten years of my erstwhile radio career on three different oldies stations, I had the chance to observe more than a few of these rock n' roll dinosaurs perform. Local disc jockeys are often required to show up for these shows to introduce acts that are staples of the station's playlist. It's not bad enough that you have to listen to the mostly insipid lyrics from your own teenage years--and maybe even break out in zits again-- you must also witness the sad demise of these entertainers as they grow old and tired. Some, with lots of hits under their belt, have plenty of songs to break up the monotony but others-- "one hit wonders', if you will-- are doomed to pad a thin artistic portfolio with songs no one ever cared about. When they finish with their one and only big hit it's time to hit the exit and take the act down the road to the next county fair gig or oldies blowout. I was actually happy for Bill Haley when he died. Never again would he have to give a downbeat to some re-tread Comets as they kicked off "Rock Around the Clock" for the bazillionth time. The man had suffered enough.

When Rick Nelson dared to stray from his string of 50's and 60's hits during a show at Madison Square Garden in the 1970's, he got booed off the stage. He did manage to get one more hit record out of the humiliation when "Garden Party" sold a million copies.

"I went to a garden party, reminisced with my old friends

A chance to share old memories and play our songs again

When I got to the garden party they all knew my name

But no one recognized me I didn't look the same"

Singers have a hard time understanding that people who pay money to see them perform want to hear the hits. Artists, naturally become bored with songs they have already made popular and want to introduce new material. The most talented understand that it is a delicate tap dance to expose unfamiliar music to an audience. It can be done only when the hunger for the hits has been sated. Then it may be safe to slip a new tune into the performance.

So, old Chub the Tub will have to set the Twist record without me. I'm afraid that I have oldies poisoning and am unable to participate.

"If you gotta play at garden parties I wish you a lot a' luck

But if memories were all I sang I'd rather drive a truck"

Couldn't have said it better myself, Rick. I'm fairly certain he is only doing new material at that big sock hop in the sky.