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| Here is a dog I could hang with in the old days. |
I like dogs. I don't have one right now, but if I did, it is written in the big book of doggy that he or she will be felony stupid. I am certain of this because of the three dogs who have come and, unfortunately, gone in my life none could do no more than answer to their names. Corky, Lucy and Teri, females all, were capable of eating, sleeping, barking at inappropriate times, and occasionally forgetting that the great outdoors was their toilet, but that was it. Rolling over on command, sitting up for a treat, speaking when encouraged, or even the basic "play dead" required too much brain power for these mutts. I loved them, but God they were stupid. Granted, I never worked with them or gave them encouragement but,…COME ON! Don't they pick up a few delightful doggy tricks at the puppy farm? The problem may be genetic. My brother has two dogs that in just a few short years he has taken from merely being moronic to completely feral. It's a gift.
What got me thinking about the dogs in my life was a canine intelligence test I stumbled on while looking up something completely unrelated on the Internet. Isn't that always the way it is? So, for all you dog owners, here is the test. Let's see how your four-legged friend ranks in the brains department. The test is from Pets1st.com and was developed by Stanley Cohen.
Doggie Intelligence Test:
(PROBLEM SOLVING)
1. Place treat under soup can.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog gets treat in 0-5 seconds
4 Dog gets treat in 5-15 seconds
3 Dog gets treat in 16-30 seconds
2 Dog gets treat in 31-60 seconds
0 Dog shows no interest
2. Quickly throw a large towel over the dog's head and shoulders.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog gets free in 0-15 seconds
4 Dog gets free in 16-30 seconds
3Dog gets free in 31-60 seconds
2 Dog gets free in 1-2 minutes
1 Dog doesn't get free within 2 minutes
3. Place treat under a small towel.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog gets treat in 0-15 seconds
4 Dog gets treat in 16-30 seconds
3 Dog gets treat in 31-60 seconds
2 Dog gets treat in 1-2 minutes
1 Dog tries to get treat and fails
0 Dog shows no interest
(SHORT TERM MEMORY)
4. Let the dog see you place a biscuit in the corner of the ring, then turn him loose.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog goes straight for the treat
4 Dog searches systematically and finds the treat
3 Dog searches randomly but finds treat in under 45 seconds
2 Dog searches but fails to find treat
1 Dog shows no interest
(LONG TERM MEMORY)
5. Let the dog see you place a biscuit in the corner of the ring (a different corner than the one in test 4), remove him for 5 minutes, play with him, return, then turn him loose.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog goes straight to treat
4 Dog goes to corner from test 4, then the correct corner
3 Dog searches systematically and finds treat
2 Dog searches randomly but finds treat in under 45 seconds
1 Dog searches but fails to find treat
0 Dog shows no interest
(PROBLEM SOLVING AND MANIPULATION)
6. Place treat under a low platform (too low and far enough back to reach with mouth).
5 Dog gets treat in under 1 minute
4 Dog gets treat in 1-3 minutes
3 Dog uses paws and muzzle but fails to get treat
2 Dog uses muzzle only a few times and gives up
1 Dog doesn't try to get treat
(LANGUAGE COMPREHENSION)
7. Leave dog as if for a recall and in your usual voice, call "REFRIGERATOR".
SCORING: Points Awarded
3 Dog comes
Call "Movies"
2 Dog comes
Call "(dog's name)", "Come"
5 Dog comes
Call "(dog's name)". Come" again
4 Dog comes
1 Dog fails to come
(PROBLEM SOLVING)
8. Dog is shown a treat through a slit in a large cardboard barricade. Dog should not be able to get treat through the slit. Handler encourages dog to get treat.
SCORING: Points Awarded
5 Dog goes around barrier in 0-15 seconds
4 Dog goes around barrier in 16-30 seconds
Handler stops encouraging dog after 1 minute
2 Dog goes around barrier in 1-2 minutes
1 Dog tries to reach through slit and gives up
0 Dog shows no interest
INTERPRETATION: (These are MY assessments; not from Pets1st.com)
36-40--Congratulations! You have the Rin Tin Tin or Lassie of dogs! This dog is going to the Mensa picnic. If you fall down the old abandoned mine shaft, you're already home.
32-35--A pretty darned smart canine. Watch your back and your wallet. Perhaps this mutt should be managing your portfolio.
28-31--Not bad! A couple of tricks now and then wouldn't hurt. We know the dog can do them, but he or she may just be a little lazy. Has a future in politics.
20-27--Your basic dog. Not flashy, good personality and knows not to pee on the carpet.
16-19--A happy but fairly dumb animal. If human, would probably be batting clean-up for the Cubs.
12-15--The "Ringo" of dogs. Lucky to be in the band. Probably couldn't find the meat department at Costco. Will eat ANYTHING that falls on the floor and then be surprised when it shows up later.
0-11--This would be MY dog. Not only can't find the meat department, but thinks the cat's box is a buffet. A dog that puts the funk in dysfunctional. This mutt doesn't know whether to lick his privates, chase rabbits or bark at the moon and is already planning to vote Democrat.
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| "Which way did he go boys?" |
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