Nothing Exceeds Like Excess

It's wienerlicious!

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is going on here??

This baby should come with a crash cart.  Clear!

Pizza Hut is pulling a fat one behind our ample backsides.  They have gone and introduced at least two embarrassingly and excessively American fattening delights well...not near you.  The betrayal is epic!  The U.S. is the land of wide loads and extra cheese; not the Middle East or the U.K.  We deserve the first bite when it comes to artery cloggers like the all new hotdog stuffed crust pizza, damn it.  And, don't get me started on the undoubtedly delicious and drool inducing crown crust pizza filled with taco and hamburger goodness Pizza Hut now offers the citizens of the Middle East.  The Middle East??  Those people are skinny.

  OH THE HUMANITY!!

My fellow Americans I fear we are in desperate straights.  We seem to be falling behind in the creation of adipose tissue-- a "lard gap", if you will.  We need to take action--and soon.

What has happened to the country that invented the deep fried Twinkie and Snickers bar?  We've not a minute or a calorie to lose.  The time for excess is now!  Write your congressperson or, better yet, the president.  Not Obama, the important one:  David Novak, the president of Yum Brands of Louisville, Kentucky.  They own Pizza Hut.  

Let's launch a national campaign to force the evil geniuses of Pizza Hut to offer the wonderfulness of the hotdog stuffed and crown crust pizza to all Americans yearning to split their jeans and pop their buttons.  Or, better yet, let's all get together for a bacon sundae.  I forget who is making those gut bombs but they are out there somewhere doing God's work.

IT'S ON PIZZA HUT!  We are coming for our lard fix and will not be denied.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'll meet you at the trough just as soon as I've sprayed a bit of WD-40 on my thighs.  These damn jeans seem to have shrunk.

Nothin' says "eat me" like a bacon sundae.