The EYES Have It

Just what we need!  Another "advancement" from those technology geeks at Google.  It's not bad enough that cell phones have turned us into a nation of eavesdropping spastics who are forever bumping into things as we conduct or listen to ever more inane conversations and location updates.  "Hey, I just squeezed the melons at Whole Foods and am wondering if I should buy one or marry it. What do you think?"  Even in places like New York we have slowed our pace as we walk and talk our way into a perpetual rodeo of over sharing,  What the hell ever happened to the concept of being alone with your thoughts?  We have the attention span of gnats and the brains to match.

Google glasses look cool on her

Most of us guys will look like this clown.

And NOW...just when we were getting used to random conversations going on all around us, COMES...Google Glasses!  Yep, very soon it will be within your ken to don a pair of souped up goggles that will allow you to surf the net, send and receive emails, watch sports and snap pictures all with the blink of an eye.  Literally.

Most gals will look like this  doofus.

Just try to get someones attention when they're wearing a pair of these peepers.  Don't get me wrong, there are times when whatever is playing on that big screen of real life will be infinitely inferior to the nearly limitless entertainment available for scoping out on the web.  I know for a fact I could have gotten a ton of usage out of Google glasses had they been around when I was forced to sit through high school geometry, biology, American lit,...OKAY,  high school period.


This whole project is the brainchild of the dorks at Google X, the online search leader's secret facility that has promoted the idea of elevators into space and driverless cars.  But, before you go getting any ideas about all of this being a "given" in our children and grand children's future, try to recall some of the "advancements" that were supposed to be a lock for the twenty-first century.  Remember flying cars, jet packs, and picture phones?  Well, unless you count Skype, we are still waiting for those bitchin' futuristic mind blowers.  Come to think of it there has been one really major disappointment regarding the promised technology of my misspent youth:  X-RAY Vision Glasses!  I'm fairly certain I speak for a generation of pre-teen males when I say..."I believe we have a class action lawsuit here!"

 I must have order at least six pairs of those babies in hopes of clearing up the mystery of the female anatomy.  The bastards NEVER worked.  Perhaps the work of the Google Goofs isn't completely without merit...
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Google X team, GET BACK TO WORK.  And, you might want to throw in an X-Ray vision APP.  Several million 12 year-old boys will be forever in your debt.

See through clothing!!!