Why Do They ALWAYS Look Like This?

What Elvis would wear if he had been president

Banana republic dictators must all have the same guy picking out their clothes.  I say "guy" because no woman would ever let her man leave for another day of pillaging and plundering his dirt poor constituents looking like Hugo Chavez or that paragon of virtue Fidel Castro.  Seriously.  Have you ever once seen any of these clowns in a suit and tie?  Nope, it's always some kind of military garb with a touch of Disney,  one of those shirts that looks like a barber's smock or a uniform designed for a loon  who gets shot out of a canon at the circus.  (See picture of Hugo Chavez)

Franco, Mussolini, Hitler, Marcos, Pinochet, Noriega, and every last bastard who managed to be president of South Vietnam for more than two minutes during the 1960's all had get-ups that made them look like deranged escapees from the short bus academy.  What the hell gives?  Were they just so damn charming that people couldn't help but vote for them?  I doubt it.  Probably what these clowns lacked in sartorial splendor was more than compensated for by their ability to lie to anybody anytime in such a bewitching way that folks felt compelled to elect them to whatever office they wanted.

Look at Chavez..if you can stand it.   Here is a guy that, if you ran into him at your thirtieth high school reunion, would be the owner of a Texaco station in Kalamazoo where he has happily been sitting on the air hose for the past thirty years.  He might even offer to get you a deal on a set of tires.  But, NO, he is the freaking president of an entire country!  The people of Venezuela are demonstrably worse off than when he took power, yet he remains large and in charge.  Mr. Big Jeans!  His electorate believes everything the big dofus tells them.  It's a gift.  For example:  He supposedly has cancer.  Cancer is a horrible disease that, at least as far as I have observed, robs its victims of body weight and vitality as it metastasizes.  That would not seem to be the case for the ever more rotund Hugo Chavez.  This goofy son of a bitch gets fatter by the day!  I think he's faking it.  I assume time will tell but, for my money, the whole thing is a put up job.

Hugo is in it for the UNIFORMS.  The odds of him dying before the rest of us?  Slim. (I realize that slim and Hugo are seldom found in the same sentence.)

Look for Tubby to be showing up in garish garb for years to come or until one day he has the good taste to  clutch his ample D-cup  and keel over dead. 

In the meantime, let's all continue to enjoy the insane style show that goes on  just south of the good old USA and take comfort in the fact that every 24 hours the world turns over on someone who thinks they're sitting on top of it.