Noooooooooo! THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!

150 calories and 4.5 grams of fat heaven

Like a golden nugget at the bottom of the sack lunch mom packed for me, it was right under the bologna sandwich and the stupid apple or grapes I was supposed to eat--the holy grail of kid cuisine--my TWINKIE.  Of course the bologna sandwich was constructed of that other cake-like concoction, Wonder Bread----"helps build strong bodies 12 ways!"-- the work of  the kid friendly geniuses at Interstate Bakeries.

mmmm...eat me!

Gingrich supporter smuggling Hostess Sno Balls 

Interstate Bakeries is now long gone having filed for bankruptcy in 2004.   And lately, Hostess Brands, the current keeper of the Twinkie, Wonder Bread, Ding Dong, Ho Ho and Sno Ball flame is also going bank-o.  What??!!  How can that be?  Don't kids still hunger for empty calorie deliciousness?  The apparent answer is: NO.  Over the past several years health-conscious Americans have begun to favor yogurt and energy bars over dessert cakes and white bread.  Last year only 36 percent of us ate white bread, down from 54 percent in 2000, while 54 percent ate whole wheat bread, up from 43 percent in 2000.
WTF??

This, of course, begs the question:  Why do we have so many fat kids?  If we all are eating healthy and substituting allegedly more nutritious fare for good old American Twinkies and Ding Dongs why the "wide load" kids?  Something is rotten America!

The Hostess company is $860 million in debt and could ultimately be out of business.  This has me and several other Boomer brothers and sisters frantic with worry.  My pal, The Skipper, is positively apoplectic.  He is convinced it is the beginning of the end of life as we know it in our beloved United States. He is seldom wrong when it comes to these things.   (Skipper Dave was one of the first to discover the natural goodness of the beer and Cracker Jacks diet.)  In fact, Skip recently told me of his plan to stock his garage and attic with Twinkies, Ho Hos, Sno Balls and Ding Dongs in preparation for the world's end scheduled by the Mayans for December of this year. Because these tasty items are not only delicious but are injected with an unidentifiable sugary cream filling that never goes bad, who can argue?

This just in...

It looks like a group of lenders led by Silver Point Capital has committed $75 million in financing for Hostess to maintain routine operations while they attempt to reorganize the company.  Good news indeed!  However, there is NO time for rest.  All of us who know and love Hostess products need to start pigging down like it was 1958.  Get out there and start stuffing your face!  Also, it wouldn't hurt to introduce the grandkids to the Hostess family of fine foods when their parents aren't looking.

Twinkie cellulite storage container

We'll need a secret handshake or something to show our unity and commitment to bringing this company back to life.  How about showing a little cellulite whenever you get the chance?  You know--those saggy places on your body where all the Twinkie residue roosts.  Flash some of that flab that makes it look like you're packing a bag full of door knobs and creamed corn.  Let free the blubber above your belt; may it top your pants like Katrina crested the levys in the Big Sleezy.  Then, together,  maybe one day we'll  take our watery thighs to Hostess Heaven to join Buffalo Bob,  Howdy Doody, Clarabell, Mr. Bluster, Chief Thunderthud and the rest of the Doodyville gang in a cream filled bacchanal.

Good times, all courtesy of the company that MUST BE SAVED!

Buffalo Bob showing some Twinkie residue; Howdy...not so much