I'm Voting for THIS guy!

We haven't had a real entertainer in the White House since Reagan.
Sorry, Clinton's struggle with the electric garden hose--(A sax?  Really?)--doesn't count.
Check it out.

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Video: The Government Can (Tim Hawkins)

Just Get OUT!

"Most of the world's ills could be corrected with a three day open season on people."

-Ernest Hemingway

Every once in awhile it's good to vent.  Not that you asked, but here are some people I would like to see go home--or ANYWHERE.  Just GET OUT!

Stephen Colbert

Stevie One Note

Okay, I understand.  You pretend to be a clueless bloviator.  Very funny, for a while.  Now, get some new material!  You have become unbearable.

Jon Huntsman

"Me love you long time."

He has been to China, speaks Chinese, and has lots of money.  Here is the reason he will NEVER be president:  He looks and acts like Dan Akroyed doing that Bass-O-Matic commercial.  There is also that look as if he just smelled something bad, (probably you) which can only be affected by the very wealthy.  Good thing he is no longer running for the BIG job; now we just need to confine him to Utah.

David Letterman

Snarky jerk waaaay past his prime

Letterman has been over for at least ten years and somebody needs to let him know.  It's sad, really.  Once a very fresh and funny Midwesterner, he is now just another mean out of touch Upper East Side liberal who can't figure out why anybody ever voted for Bush.

Instead of porking the help at CBS maybe he should try patching things up with the wife and play some catch with his young son.  Craig Ferguson is ten times as funny and has a robot skeleton sidekick.  Now that's comedy!

Oprah

The poster girl for OVER

 A nice lady but, come on,  you have your OWN freaking TV network!   Now, please take your bazillion dollars and  have a nice life.  We've seen enough.





Nancy Pelosi (aka San Fran Nan)

The bigger the government the smaller the politician

Plato said, "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."  The only thing worse than having to listen to this long day in a skirt would be to be her husband.  Think about that  the next time you're feeling sorry for yourself.  Nancy Pelosi is dumber than drywall and has never met a mic or camera she wouldn't spew into.  She needs to be confined to a petting zoo in Marin County.



Snooki and every other IDIOT on a "reality" show

A walking yeast infection

The fact that this dolt is wealthy AND a TV star is proof positive that there is no God.  Had the founding fathers been able to envision dreck like The Jersey Shore, Dancing With the Stars, and the Wives of (city of your choice), they would have left Philly right after they invented the cheesestake and gone home to kill themselves.

Whoa.....I just flashed on the very real fact that I am just getting started on my list and have several hundred folks yet to dismiss from our planet.  This was unforeseen.  Usually I'm so very tolerant.  
I need to take a break and perhaps save more of this for another time.  However, Rosie O'Donnell and Bernie Sanders should start packing their bags.

Land mass in a pants suit

Vermont is too small for a republic and too large for a goon garage.

Noooooooooo! THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!

150 calories and 4.5 grams of fat heaven

Like a golden nugget at the bottom of the sack lunch mom packed for me, it was right under the bologna sandwich and the stupid apple or grapes I was supposed to eat--the holy grail of kid cuisine--my TWINKIE.  Of course the bologna sandwich was constructed of that other cake-like concoction, Wonder Bread----"helps build strong bodies 12 ways!"-- the work of  the kid friendly geniuses at Interstate Bakeries.

mmmm...eat me!

Gingrich supporter smuggling Hostess Sno Balls 

Interstate Bakeries is now long gone having filed for bankruptcy in 2004.   And lately, Hostess Brands, the current keeper of the Twinkie, Wonder Bread, Ding Dong, Ho Ho and Sno Ball flame is also going bank-o.  What??!!  How can that be?  Don't kids still hunger for empty calorie deliciousness?  The apparent answer is: NO.  Over the past several years health-conscious Americans have begun to favor yogurt and energy bars over dessert cakes and white bread.  Last year only 36 percent of us ate white bread, down from 54 percent in 2000, while 54 percent ate whole wheat bread, up from 43 percent in 2000.
WTF??

This, of course, begs the question:  Why do we have so many fat kids?  If we all are eating healthy and substituting allegedly more nutritious fare for good old American Twinkies and Ding Dongs why the "wide load" kids?  Something is rotten America!

The Hostess company is $860 million in debt and could ultimately be out of business.  This has me and several other Boomer brothers and sisters frantic with worry.  My pal, The Skipper, is positively apoplectic.  He is convinced it is the beginning of the end of life as we know it in our beloved United States. He is seldom wrong when it comes to these things.   (Skipper Dave was one of the first to discover the natural goodness of the beer and Cracker Jacks diet.)  In fact, Skip recently told me of his plan to stock his garage and attic with Twinkies, Ho Hos, Sno Balls and Ding Dongs in preparation for the world's end scheduled by the Mayans for December of this year. Because these tasty items are not only delicious but are injected with an unidentifiable sugary cream filling that never goes bad, who can argue?

This just in...

It looks like a group of lenders led by Silver Point Capital has committed $75 million in financing for Hostess to maintain routine operations while they attempt to reorganize the company.  Good news indeed!  However, there is NO time for rest.  All of us who know and love Hostess products need to start pigging down like it was 1958.  Get out there and start stuffing your face!  Also, it wouldn't hurt to introduce the grandkids to the Hostess family of fine foods when their parents aren't looking.

Twinkie cellulite storage container

We'll need a secret handshake or something to show our unity and commitment to bringing this company back to life.  How about showing a little cellulite whenever you get the chance?  You know--those saggy places on your body where all the Twinkie residue roosts.  Flash some of that flab that makes it look like you're packing a bag full of door knobs and creamed corn.  Let free the blubber above your belt; may it top your pants like Katrina crested the levys in the Big Sleezy.  Then, together,  maybe one day we'll  take our watery thighs to Hostess Heaven to join Buffalo Bob,  Howdy Doody, Clarabell, Mr. Bluster, Chief Thunderthud and the rest of the Doodyville gang in a cream filled bacchanal.

Good times, all courtesy of the company that MUST BE SAVED!

Buffalo Bob showing some Twinkie residue; Howdy...not so much

"And That's The Way It Is"...

In the early days of network television a number of shows originated from the Midwest.  Chicago and Kansas City were considered to be part of America and not merely "fly over country" by web executives.  Today, as you no doubt have noticed, broadcasting bigwigs consider anything that happens more than fifty miles outside the city limits of New York or Los Angeles to be the province of the "foreign" desk.

The Camel News Caravan with Midwesterner John Cameran Swayze

"Big explosion in Minneapolis?"  "Don't we have an affiliate there?" "Let's get some footage from them and we'll do the story from here in New York."

It's hard to find a network willing to send a reporter to an outpost in the Central time zone or even one willing to ask a local how to pronounce a place name.  How many times have you seen a news story on  ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN or FOX where they got the name of a town or important person wrong?  Didn't you wonder about the accuracy of other "facts" in the report? 

Dave Garroway and J. Fred Muggs

Every four years this smacks us in the face as we watch the television cameras and reporters wend their way to Iowa and the caucuses.  Their reports are handled not unlike a trip to the zoo.  They may not verbalize it but their eyes and demeanor hint of amusement as they interview the corn fed rubes of a state most of them probably heretofore had confused with Ohio.  Condescension is in the air courtesy of the good looking dim bulbs who were hired for their coif rather than credentials and the reports they file wink "these Iowans are atypical; pay little attention to what they think". 

To a degree, they have a point.  Iowans really are more white, religious, educated, and (truth be told) fatter than most of the rest of the country.  However, and it is important to note, they are loaded with the now UNcommon commodity of COMMON SENSE.  To dismiss what the denizens of the tall corn state have to say about the state of our nation is an error of major proportions.   They know the country is dangerously off track and in need of adjustment.  A politician who fails to heed the message does so at his peril.  

New Hampshire, South Carolina, Florida and other early primary states too have lots to say about our country and the direction we're headed.  Like Iowa those states are home to people who believe in a future far different from the one imagined by a bi-coastal media and political elite.  The latter are the true "provincials".

You want a sense of what is truly important to most Americans and the course the majority hope to steer?  Head for the heart of America where the smiles are a little broader, the handshakes linger and the love of a great county is alive, well and looking for new leadership.