 |
| "Sure baby...whatever you say!" |
"So Janet said that they were going to do that thing we all talked about, except without renting the cottage like last year, but Gloria and Ed want nothing to do with that goofy Paula and Sam." "I think I'll make that salad I've been wanting to make since I clipped it from the paper; maybe we'll take that to the thing on Saturday."
People who talk like this are called: WOMEN. Guys, never having even the slightest notion of what the hell their female significant others are talking about, respond with the perfunctory "Uh huh" or an emphatic head bob if they would like the discussion to stop. To ask for basic information regarding the who, where, what and when of the most recent female verbal ejaculation is to invite a tsunami of even more unknown names an undefined relationships that mean not a tinker's diddly to the average male.
Men speak when they have something to say; women speak to say something.
One of the mysteries of the universe is why women act as if everyone and everything that they know is also in the memory bank of everyone else. They assume that there is no need for last names, points of reference, relationship data or additional pieces of the puzzle. Guys are left with the hobson's choice of either asking just WHO on God's green earth Janet IS and why we should care, or merely faking it with a non-committal head nod or the ever neutral, "Really?". Younger dudes will ask questions and make a concerted effort to understand only to become more baffled while older guys will stick with the tried and true continuous head nod and random "Uh huh" to get them through. ( I have found it helpful to do a little planning while pretending to listen. For example: "Who's on Sports Center tonight?" or "I wonder if that leftover pizza in the back of the refrigerator is still okay?" play nicely in my head as I feign interest in what my wife is saying. For this to work it is extremely important to wait until the talking appears to have ended before checking either the TV listings or the 'fridge.
I'm not certain if it is mere laziness or a sincere effort to avoid any complications, but most of us men are reluctant to "share" any of the stuff that is going on in our lives. We, unlike women, feel it is necessary to explain who everybody is and to give extensive detail and technical information when offering up an answer to "What's going on?". We want to draw a verbal diagram loaded with detail, and lots of footnotes. However, unless drunk or coming out of a ten year coma, most men think about how much talking and exposition this kind of "sharing" will involve and choose to punt and go looking for snacks.
Maybe I'll tell her later.
The problem with the "Maybe I'll tell her later" plan is that invariably after a couple of days most of we gents "think" we did indeed tell her. Then, usually several months later, when we say, "Don't you remember? I told you about that!"--she is looking for the strychnine to slip in your Cheerios.
Women!
Uh Oh, you're going to have to excuse me as I see my wife is saying something. She appears to be angry. If I were listening, I'd guess there is something wrong. You don't suppose she has been reading over my shoulder? I'm pretty sure I told her I was going to do this.
Maybe not.
I wonder if that six week old pizza way in the back of the refrigerator is still okay?
How long until Sports Center?
No comments:
Post a Comment