Several years ago when a judge was dumb enough to allow me on a jury it proved to be a real education in American jurisprudence. After hearing more than twenty lounge lizards testify that the defendant had indeed emptied an entire clip of ammunition into the belly of a bar patron he felt had disrespected him, I was certain our panel's deliberation would be brief.
He did it. People saw him do it. GUILTY! In California it was too much to hope for a death sentence, but I was confident that he would spend the rest of his life as a prom date for the general prison population. (He appeared to have the legs for it.)
My first inkling of trouble began as soon as we jurors sat down to deliberate. An older gentleman on our panel said, "I feel like the blind man examining the elephant. It's hard to see the big picture."
Stunned, I thought the guy had to be kidding around or was indigent and needed the meal money and maybe a place to crash. NOBODY could be this stupid!
He was.
What should have been about a sixty second deliberation stretched out for a couple of days. The man was clearly an idiot and if the guys on the jury had prevailed would have been dead in an hour but, thankfully, the women in the room knew exactly how to handle the situation. They used their feminine wiles on the old husk and very carefully flattered and flirted him into believing that he might have a chance with one or all of them. (As I mentioned...he was a moron.) We got his vote and got the hell out of the courthouse after waving a tearful "see you in hell" to our freshly convicted miscreant.
By the way, that's all it takes. ONE MORON!
One nitwit on the Barry Bonds perjury tribunal and he gets away with his massive bullshit lie about never having used steroids. My guess is there is at least ONE dope dumb enough to hold out.
Actually the trial, now underway in the Bay Area, is not about whether the ex-slugger for the San Francisco Giants used steroids to boost his performance. No, it's to determine if he lied to a grand jury investigating his use of steroids.
HE DID.
To be more specific, he did do steroids, (check out the before and after pictures), and he did lie about it to the grand jury. If you believe otherwise then you also believe that somewhere there is a gal who is just right for Tim Gunn.
Get a load of some of the jury questionnaire responses from potential members of this panel:
"I'm a Barry Bonds fan and I'm a huge Giants fan. It's my life. I don't know if I could judge Mr. Bonds after providing me with so much entertainment. It's an intimate relationship." (prospective juror #22)
Prospective juror #29 said, "My opinion is that steroids is okay to be used since these are the jobs of athletes. If a player must advance in his/her jobs, supplements should be able to be used."
These two mental midgets were dismissed. The final jury consists of four men and eight women. I hope the women take charge. Common sense dictates that the moron or MORONS on the jury will be among the men.
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| Before steroids |
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| Prospective jurors "Me and her is on our way to the Mensa picnic." |
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| After steroids |
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