Backyard Harmony

"AL"

He's early this year.
Al, the extremely good natured alligator lizard who lives in our backyard is stretching his legs a couple of weeks ahead of schedule.
"Couldn't hibernate any longer," he says.
Actually I welcome his company on the patio as another baseball season draws near.  Many warm afternoons have passed between us as we listen to Jerry Coleman call Padres games.  To be fair, Jerry doesn't call all that many hardball tilts these days but he has always been our favorite.
"You used to work with old Jer didn't you?"
"Yes", I reply.  "He was a war hero too....a superior human being."
"The friars should do well this season.  I like some of the moves they've made...sure improved at shortstop, and the outfield should be more productive".
I concur with this analysis and tingle with the knowledge that opening day is only a couple of weeks away.
"How's the family?  I see that your new grandson is tearing around the yard now."  I'll tell Alice, (Al's wife),to make sure that our youngsters don't bite him."  "I can't make any promises about the old ball and chain herself.  She's been in a foul mood all winter.  Bitching about the the lack of quality bugs to eat and the fact that I talk while I hibernate.  Of course there is the gassiness thing...I tell her I can't help it.  I'm a LIZARD dammit!! I get into an occasional rancid spider"
He continues...
"Oh...I really appreciate the diaper on the grandkid.  The folks who lived here before you not only didn't cotton to a lizard who talks, they also had a dog.  Believe me, it's no picnic to be dodging dog logs while I'm roaming your spread.   Appreciate it.  Now if you could just keep your low life friends from peeing in the bushes..."
I assure Al that I always curtail beer consumption in the backyard after the seventh inning.  Only later do I recall that I no longer drink and can't remember the last time drunken friends were allowed free range of the backyard.  I make a mental note to see if grandson Dan is indeed wearing a diaper.

It really is good to see old Al, my pal, back on the patio sunning himself once again.  I can see that he and the Mrs. were busy before the weather cooled.  Lots of little Als and Alices scurry around the palm trees.  Everybody looks healthy and well fed.  It'll be a good season for us all.

"Al, I can't help but notice that you look a little more green this year.  What's up with that?"

"Bite me.  I'm Irish!"