Ken Copper: Maybe I Can Use Your Bucket?

The problem with "bucket lists" is this: once you start actually doing some of the things you've decided you must do before allowing the worms to have at your carcass it is necessary to consider something else. What's the plan if you REALLY like a particular adventure? Can you do it again? There appear to be no rules regarding blowing your dough on goofy adventures; so here is my take: IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, EVEN IF I HAVE TO BORROW YOUR BUCKET, I AM GOING BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND.

Linda and I cruised the Panama Canal earlier this year and are both content to scratch that one off the list. The canal is amazing in many respects, but ONCE as they say, is enough. I can die happy knowing that it is an engineering miracle and that it wouldn't have happened without the U.S. and, by the way, we gave it away a few years ago and it now seems to be pretty much an outpost for the Chinese communists.

Port Chalmers, NZ

Australia and New Zealand are another story. WOW! Now these are a couple of magnificent countries! Both are loaded with remarkably warm and witty people and have scenery and natural resources beyond compare. You know a place is pretty spectacular when you find yourself perpetually wishing you were again thirty years-old and could reinvent yourself in this brand new land of opportunity.

It is a long flight to Sydney, Australia where we boarded Holland America's ship Volendam. Once you've endured that torturous plane ride the worst is over. Let the party begin! Aussies and Kiwis are the original party people. Perhaps it is their prison heritage that has taught the Aussies to "dance in the rain" instead of merely waiting for the storm to pass. Whatever, they're going to have a good time and you are encouraged to "come along".

As soon as we boarded the ship, which was destined to hit Australia's Melbourne and Tasmanian ports before heading for New Zealand, we bumped into the couple in the next cabin.

"Real name is Ernest, but in Australia they just call me Ern'....don't know why, it's just their way." Ern is a 90 year-old from Adelaide who is traveling with his "baby" sister Marion, who is 86. Neither of them appear to be much past 75 and are neither slow of thought or lacking a sense of humor. They've both outlived spouses and thought it a dandy idea to take a cruise around the neighborhood of the South Pacific they've called home since the early 1950's. Both are originally from England. Ern, an engineer by vocation, emigrated in 1954 and was very much involved in the evolution of the electric power grid in Australia. Marion, having read his letters to their parents thought it foolish to stay in cold and dank London when places like Ern was describing were warm and loaded with lots of young blokes who spoke English. She came and stayed down under.

"Ern" at the rail. At 90 he goes to sea one more time.

Marion has outlived a husband and a boyfriend; one "ex"husband, to her chagrin, remains alive and a "real bastard". Ern had a long marriage and several children. His oldest daughter gave the okay for him to construct his own "grandpa cottage" on the property behind her house where he enjoys ready access to his grandchildren and great grandchildren.

This year, after taking a fire extinguisher to the ninety candles on his cake, Ern pined for one last trip to sea. He was a British naval officer during the second world war and had come to love the sea even in those less than desirable conditions on the Mediterranean and the North Atlantic. It was time to set sail once more and cast eyes on the beauty of his chosen homeland while standing on sea legs.

Like anyone who has adopted a homeland, Ern was a font of information on both Australia and New Zealand. We were lucky to have ready access to him and Marion when it came to all the questions filling our heads as we sailed from port to port. Their knowledge regarding natural resources, history, and all the critters who could do you harm was astounding. For some reason, Australia has at least seven kinds of spiders and snakes that can kill you in very painful ways---and, they're plentiful. I plan to spend the rest of my life avoiding tiger snakes and funnel web spiders...the worst of the lot. New Zealand, by contrast, has an abundant bird population, sheep, cattle, a few too many possums, and one lousy poisonous spider. NO SNAKES. A real plus in my book.

The cruise lasted fourteen days that seemed to be four, but that's the way you want it to be. Who wants to be on a vacation that reminds you of the old days when dad and mom would pile everybody into the station wagon for a two week trip to hell called "Let's visit Aunt Shirley".

It was a long way home to San Diego, but both Australia and New Zealand are on both of our "do it again" lists and, in addition to a bad airplane cold, we picked up a couple of fantastic "old" new friends. Ern and Marion are, like most every member of the Greatest Generation, a couple of people who have learned to make the best of every moment they have. A lesson for us all.

"Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we have."

Art Buchwald