It's That NO PRESSURE Time of The Year

We're running a little late this year, but it's finally done.  Today we mailed off the last of the Christmas cards.  According to "Russ the Mailman" we are members of a dwindling tribe of hopeless Luddites who still do this "stamp and envelope" thing at Christmas.  The postal department statistics show that what was once a yuletide project for most families is in precipitous decline.  About half of us send out Christmas cards anymore.  We'd rather email or post our good wishes on Facebook.  Too dangerous for me!  You never know when some unfortunate remark about your Aunt Shirley's ass might make it into someones blog or be accidentally included in a mass emailing.  (I have no fear of retribution here as this post has a very exclusive audience.  We screen like the TSA.)

So, with the Christmas cards on their way to old Army buddies, long lost high school degenerates, and assorted toothless goober distant cousins, I am now free to enjoy the holidays.

This will be grandson Dan's first real Christmas.  He was too little to pick-up on the whole toys and goodies grab last year, but having turned one I now think he is ready for a drum set or a BB gun.  Don't you?  Better check with grandma.

I'm especially grateful these days to be free of any work related obligations.  All those years in the radio business provided me with a lifetime of Christmas promotion nightmares cooked up by unscrupulous time sales slime merchants.  (There is no lower form of human life than broadcast time sales personnel.  They put Times Square hookers in the shade.)  I recall one Christmas season, either in Tampa or San Diego, where an "account executive" (talk about euphemism!) roped me into dressing up in a Santa suit after finishing my morning show and visiting the lion's share of his current client list.  If memory serves, there were bottles of whiskey to distribute and other goodies to pass out and....I really don't remember much about the rest of the day.  Come to think of it, I believe I had a pretty fine time.  Never mind.

Then there were all the office parties.  Does anybody have those anymore?  Those were always good for a bushel basket full of embarrassment for the entire office.

"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...the rest of the clothes were tossed anywhere."

So, now it's time to get busy relaxing while we all wait for old St. Nick.

Wait a minute.  I haven't done ANY shopping !  Damn!  I knew I'd forgotten something.  Where did I put the car keys?  Better yet...where did I leave the car??

What do the kids want this year?  Yikes!! What am I going to get my wife??!!

Well, it's off to the mall.  How many days do I have left?  I'm in trouble now.  

I know.  I'll get Santa to help me.  That's the ticket, just get the Fat Boy what he wants for Christmas and let him take care of the rest.  Whew!  Who knew it would be that easy?  One lap dance at Jumbo's Clown  Room coming up Santa!  It sure beats fat camp.