Welcome Bums

When I was a kid my Grandpa Copper asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Without hesitation I replied, "I wanna be a bum."  Not at all startled by this not so high minded career calling my granddad nodded his head and said, "Just make sure that you're a rich bum."  Naturally I got into broadcasting.

It worked out pretty well.  A "work" day that lasted three to four hours, involved no heavy lifting, and was invariably air-conditioned and indoors put me in the higher echelon of bumdom.  No sleeping on the streets in crap encrusted jeans sporting an oily gimme cap and smelling of wee wee for me.  Also, no cardboard sign sporting the required "Will work for food" (but would prefer cash).  Alas, with the radio and television business circling the drain lately, there are now few remaining venues where bums can prosper.

In Portland, Oregon that's okey dokey.  Portland, you see, like much of the Pacific Northwest and other enclaves of liberal thinking continues to hang out the "Welcome Bums" sign.  "No job, no money, no hygiene, NO PROBLEM" would seem to be the mantra of the Rose City.  It's a shame really.  With spectacular views of natural beauty in every direction, Portland is one of the most beautiful and vibrant cities in America.  I've been here for a few days now and, like every time I visit, I'm amazed by the variety and abundance of restaurants, cultural events, and artistic opportunities.  It could be one of the finest metropolitan areas in America---except for the BUMS.  They are everywhere.  Aggressive panhandling, public urination and really nasty looking hair do nothing for the aesthetics of any town and tell much about the mentality of the folks who run the joint.

Portland needs to send its city fathers and mothers to New York City.  Better yet, they should buy Rudy Giuliani a plane ticket and hire him to whisper the secret of how he cleaned up his city and made it once again a delightfully exciting place to visit.  

Portland...PUT OUT THE "NO BUMS ALLOWED" SIGN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!  

Come on you can do it.  Any city that is home to the cultural grandeur that is VooDoo Donuts can right its ship of state and sail into the pantheon of "must go there" destinations.

Do it soon Portland or remain evergreen and puzzling to us all.