Where the windows clean the people

"First liar in doesn't have a chance."
That bit of advice from longtime railbird, Ernie Myers, was some of the best I've ever received. Everybody at the track has at least one story of a fantastic win they've experienced but they're very hazy on any recent loses. I think it was Ernie who also advised me to "always bet the mob horse'. (You know---the one with the Italian owner.)

Like a moron I still buy the Daily Racing Form, read a couple of tout sheets and pretend to know what I'm doing before betting a few bob on the bangtails. Is this nag stepping up in class? How much weight is he carrying? Who's aboard this afternoon? None of it matters. The horses don't read the Form, but it makes me and other habitues of the track feel like we really have a chance to win. Yeah, right.


It's Del Mar time here in San Diego. The historic meet happens every summer in this beach town and it is a dandy place to spend an afternoon waving good-bye to your money. I love it.
Yesterday, after much serious research, I managed to win exactly NO races, but did pick-up a delightful sunburn and only lost around $100. A splendid outing.
Of course, until my next fleecing, I will be pestered by repeated dreams involving the murder of a certain "just a little too fat" jockey who came in FOURTH in the feature race. FOURTH!!! I had him bet across and the bastard comes in FOURTH. Why not make it LAST? What's the difference? Oh well, I'll just double up next time.

The beauty of horse racing is this: You may lose---no, make that WILL lose money, but damnit it's our last great American pastime. These days, where else can you take the kids and still swear, smoke, drink and gamble? The answer: NOwhere!
All of that and the horses have cool names too. Remember Buckpasser? How about Barroom Hussy and Gas Passer? Ya gotta love it.


Oh...I almost forgot the absolute best part of spending an afternoon with the thoroughbreds. You get to waste money like a congressman. Well, it's not quite as much fun as that. They, after all, get to spend money they DON'T have and merely plan to STEAL FROM YOU LATER. ( Your kids and grandkids too!)


If you see this fat f%$#, ask him who he likes in the seventh.