Let Me Talk to Ma Bell...Not "Nancy" from Mumbai

My wife smiles as she watches me try to keep it together. I am about an hour into a conversation regarding my e-mail account with the ever so helpful "Nancy" from- "Oh sir, please do not be asking me where I am located as I am not allowed to say.". She is polite to a fault, but my blood pressure is escalating rapidly as I struggle to understand the majority of what she is saying.

"Please sir, I am thanking you for your patience. I will have an answer for you in a moment. Please hold." If only she could see my face and hear the not so flattering suggestions I am making under my breath. WHY does it have to be so HARD????? We've had all this computer crap and high speed Internet access for years now and yet it seems like we're all doomed to the same type of problems that plagued early automobiles. It is not yet idiot proof!

What has prompted this, my second call, to the folks who used to be referred to as "Ma Bell"and were formerly located in a country where people actually talked like they were from "around here" is an e-mail that I have been finding in my in box for the past several days.

"We have noticed that you are accessing email using non-secure settings in your email software....blah blah blah"
It then wraps up by saying: "Please make the necessary changes immediately. Remember, you need to make these changes if you want to continue to send/receive email using a mail client."

"Nancy" is the second person I have spoken with in the last two days regarding this email. "Ben" had assured me that everything was taken care of and that I was "not to worry" less than 24 hours ago, yet I have just received another warning. All I am trying to determine is just what the hell they are talking about and how I can fix it. That's all! I have been using this email account for several years and wonder what has changed and what I need do to insure continued email service. Simple.

Perhaps it's all the excitement of their Chandrayaan-I moon shot from the Satish Dhawan Space Center that happened this week. (Oops, I may have said too much.) But, after a grand total of over three hours on the phone with "Nancy" and "Ben", neither they nor I have a clue regarding the purpose of my email notice about the security of my account. They both have assured me that I won't be getting that notice again and that I should not worry about having my email cut off.

Wait. Let me check.....

Yep, there it is again. Good work "Nancy" and "Ben"!
I guess I'll just continue to delete these notices until Ma Bell gets her head out of her ass or until...HELL BLOWS UP!

If you need me, I'll be in the garage...sitting in my car.
My car understands me.

Well, at least until it tries to send me an email.