Names Gone Viral

That's funny, these pants used to fit.

Maybe I'm using the wrong setting on the washing machine?  It couldn't be the incessant  
snacking required to keep up my strength for binge-watching Bilko, The Untouchables, Animal House and Blazing Saddles, could it?  Cheetos, Pringles, and mixed nuts along with an ample array of candy bars are all true necessities for real Americans confined to quarters by the Chinese Communist virus currently tap dancing all over our collective consciences.   No baseball, gyms, bars or restaurants for diversion has this country eating like we were all going to "the chair".  It was fun for a while, but ENOUGH ALREADY!  Next stop for this guy is the fat boy store!

I guess it could be worse.  I, and most of my friends, are retired and weren't doing much anyway, but watching the stock market tank every day and wondering if we'll be able to get all our prescriptions filled has limited appeal.  Heck, you can't even get a bet down on a sporting event.  Bookies have been reduced to taking bets on the weather.  An online sportsbook, Bovada, will take your bet for tomorrow's high temperatures in a host of North American cities right now.  Canadian city betting lines are quoted in celsius, of course. Those lousy sled dog drivers are always making trouble.  Only a compulsive gambler would be tempted to spend time on this site.  (I've got a c-note riding on the mercury hitting 91 tomorrow in Cain't Read, Kentucky and another  hundo on a sizzling 49-degree reach in Frozen Monkey, Montana.)

My youngest daughter is a lawyer, who spends her days dealing justice to deadbeat dads, is predicting a major baby boom nine months down the road as the result of boredom, close quarters, and booze.  A friend of hers, Dionne, also an attorney, has gone to the trouble of creating a list of names she expects to see in future custody cases.  Here are some inspired dandies:

Purell,  Covidleigh,  KoRona,  McCovid, Cohvy, Sharminar, Corona Lisa, 'Lil Rona, Quarentina, Kovyd, Koronalyn, Quaryntine, MyKorona, Pan-Demicah,  Mia Koronah, and Kaugh Demic.  Demented but damn good thinking, Dionne!

Keep an eye out for some of those beauties showing up in low-end zip codes near you in 2020.
Speaking of 2020, the one good thing about this annum is that it's nearly halfway finished.  That and the fact that all you need is really good gun simulation skills when next you find yourself holding up a liquor store. You already have the mask.

Good night, Corona Lisa, wherever you are.  I know a couple of good lawyers who can do the name change.

"I was hoping for Suzy."