Blame Amazon!

Let's face it, Americans prefer to shop in their underwear.  In the not too distant past it was considered bad taste and likely illegal to sashay through a department store or bodega in your skivvies or, if conservative, a ratty old bathrobe.  Come to think of it, I'm reasonably certain that may still be the case.  You see, like so many of you I haven't ventured forth to make an in person retail purchase in quite some time and have no intention of doing so anytime this century.  I LOVE AMAZON!  

How cool is it to achieve instant gratification with a keystroke?  No more driving to a store to fondle the merchandise and interact with another human being!  Nope, just look at a picture, maybe read a moronic review from another lazy slug, pay no attention to the price,  plop that baby in your imaginary basket, hit the order button and wait for your treasure to show up at the front door.  What could be better?  Okay, other than out call massage.

Malls and downtown stores across our republic are in real trouble as Amazon gobbles up hordes of former traditional retail customers, and now they are beginning to fight back.  Take, for example, the recent lifting of open container laws in shopping districts from Georgia to Texas and--of all places--Iowa.   City councils and zoning boards have lifted some public drinking laws that previously prevented customers from wandering about with to-go cups filled to the brim with adult beverages.  So far this has proved to be a winner for local merchants and saloons.  As we all know, nothing helps you make rational decisions like a good buzz.

Iowa sauce hounds shop happily without spilling a drop.

Coeur D Alene, Idaho, where I live, has a far greater concentration of free spirited,  adventuresome, devil may care inhabitants (see: whack jobs) who would, I believe, be receptive to something even more daring than public intoxication.  A pitch to the local chamber of commerce supporting not only open containers downtown but a CLOTHING OPTIONAL policy would be a real boon to local shopping and recreation.  Granted it would be challenging for those full Monty participants to exercise their concealed carry privileges but it could be entertaining.  

I just love it when I get these million dollar ideas!  Now where did I put the mayor's number?  How about the chamber?  Of course those of us of a certain age choosing to doff our duds will need to steer clear of local flower shops.  One trophy for "Best Dried Arrangement" is quite enough, thank you!

Now,  where did I put my credit card? 

"What should we do first?  Get drunk or go shopping?"