Springtime Delayed

Walt at his "job".

"Two pike, a bass and a couple of kokanee," replies Walt Maurice the old guy who fishes nearly every day off the pier at the seaplane base near my home.  Part of my daily walk includes a swing by Walt's usual spot just to check on how they're biting and his total so far.  I have no idea how old Walt is (probably younger than he looks) but he tells me that fishing is "his job" and he seldom misses a day.  He is a little more stooped this year and I notice there is now a gap where his front teeth used to be, no doubt his perpetual pipe smoking is the culprit.  He asks me about my wife and I give him the sad news.  He liked her.  Everyone did.  I envy his sense of purpose and resolve.  Gotta get some of that.

After what most locals call "the worst winter in thirty years", it is good to see the sun and feel some warmth for a change.  Spring, at least so far, has been cloudy, rainy and cool.  The leaves are just now filling the trees and my nose and eyes tell me that the pollen count is rising.  I guess it's fitting that a year so personally dark has been reflected in the weather.  A few sunny days and a bunch of chores   are good medicine.  Missing a wife of 48 years will take more than a little getting used to.  I still think that she is just away and due to return tomorrow or the next day  It's impossible yet to grasp the enormity of her absence.  I attempt to clean out closets and drawers but quit after feeble efforts.  Later, I think.  Maybe the next time the kids visit?  This is all new and I don't like it.

Walking, biking, boating, visiting with old friends on the phone and new ones made here in this new place on a beautiful lake in the north of Idaho is good but I often feel as if I'm merely going through the motions.  Time.  It will take time.  Everyone says so.  

Meanwhile I embrace a late Spring and hope that some warmth on my face and the promise of new life will help me make sense of it all or, at least, as much sense as I can handle.  The late Ted Geisel's brilliant observation echoes in my head, "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."  I know he's right but am not able to buy in as yet.  Time.  I need time.

  

"And her heart burst like the stars do in the end, and she fell to her knees.  But the whole world looked to her in awe.  She lit the whole universe with her fire for a moment.  In the end she was as beautiful as that starburst falling from the sky and her heart didn't ache anymore." --Akshay Vasee