Yours For Halloween Safety

Halloween is one day gone and I'm already making revisions for next year's candy disbursement program.  Last night, in spite of several trips to Costco to lay in multiple bags of candy gratuities for the neighborhood's pint sized freeloaders, we hit rock bottom shortly after 8PM.  The little socialists came in waves and, thanks to my very liberal son-in-law who relished dumping fistfuls of MY candy into the gaping sacks of the juvenile extortionists, never left our porch with less than a year's worth of calories.  It was the gimmiecrat philosophy writ large on my own front porch.  Disgusting!

"You'll be the most popular house on the block," he said.  It was as if Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi were right there!  

"You're an idiot," I explained.  "Who wants to encourage the little beggars to come back for more next year??!!"

When my four year-old grandson returned from his trick-or-treat run loaded to the gunwales with sugary swag, I put him in charge of handing out candy at the door.  It warmed my heart to see him carefully dole out spare rations as he told his contemporaries to "Go home" and "get off my porch".  I love that kid!  He has registered Republican and "management material" written all over him.  I should have fired his dad much earlier in the evening.  

Costumes, at least in our area, were better this year.  Lots of creativity, though none as convincing as my grumpy old man ensamble.  I've nailed that one, if I do say so myself.

Of some concern to me of late is the adult costume situation.  As more grown-ups dress up for Halloween I'm seeing a dangerous trend develop.  Many women are wearing what appear to be highly flammable get-ups.  I actually felt very warm just being within reach of some of the dressed up moms who accompanied their kids on their candy grabbing rounds.  This is distressing!

Naturally, as a good American, I would like to help rectify the situation.  May I suggest that any women thinking of sporting a Halloween costume next year first take a picture of themselves and email it to me.  That will enable yours truly to inspect the outfit to see if it looks like it might burst into flame.  

Believe me when I say that it is NO trouble.  I'm just happy to help.  I'm a giver.  I just keep giving and giving.

Safety first is my motto!

Looks fairly safe, but I'll need more information.

Always happy to help the health professionals.

Needs more candy!